Great information for everyone in the breast cancer community

Wow!!!!!! This blog was named on of the 15 Inspiring Breast Cancer blogs by Toponlinecolleges.com

Wow I am honored and humbled to be named among this amazing list of breast cancer  survivors. 
Thank you to everyone at Toponlinecolleges.com and thank you everyone for continuing to read about my cancer journey.  I always have to thank Matt Zachary for letting me blog on stupid cancer. 


Mel is the producer/cohost of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern  on wmktthetalkstation.com


Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Fearless????

I was planning on writing a blog about something else unrelated to this topic.  This one gets every survivor.

I was having a great day.  Just did a great radio interview. Had an awesome lunch with the crew from work.  My internet still isnt' working at home so I decided to check facebook on my phone.

Thats when I saw the post


Bad News.

My cancer is back.

Nothing sends shock waves through you like hearing or reading that.  Recurrance.  The scariest word a survivor can hear.

I posted something on her wall.  I told her I would help her out in any way I can.  I can't help her out financially.  Financially I am the Titanic and the iceberg is my debt.  Cant seem to steer clear of it.  I can help her emotionally.  Listen to her.  She is far away.  I can't hug her, or be there in person for her.  That makes me sad.

Quite frankly what she is going through scares the hell out of me.

A friend of mine recently called me fearless.

Now you know the one thing I fear the most.

Mel is the producer of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen Live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com 

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand and also available on Itunes.

5 Ways Cancer Survivors Can Boost Their Health

Another Guest Blogger, Enjoy

It’s literally a trip to the fringes of hell and back, one that leaves you both physically and mentally drained. Surviving cancer is the equivalent of beating the devil by the skin of your teeth, and if you want to avoid the burning question of how much longer you can hold on and continue to be cancer-free, you need to take the bull by its horns and start boosting your health in small and large ways. It’s your second lease of life, so don’t let the chemo treatments or anything else get you down. Instead, look forward to each new day, take it as it comes, live for the day, and do all you can to live healthily by:


• Eating healthy food: Health professionals recommend that cancer survivors follow a healthy diet that includes lots of fresh fruits and vegetables in order to improve their health-related quality of life score, the test that determines how your health affects the quality of your life. The higher the score, the more quality there is in your life and vice versa. So make it a point to eat more fruits and vegetables and limit all that is unhealthy in the food category. That’s not to say that you need to become a vegetarian or eat only what’s healthy; rather, balance your meals and ensure that you’re getting the best nutrition possible.

• Exercising regularly: As a cancer survivor, you’re probably drained of all your physical and mental energy what with the stress and pain associated with the notion of cancer and the chemotherapy sessions. Exercise is perhaps the last thing on your mind right now, but there are advantages to working out that promise to boost the quality of your life and make you feel better physically and mentally. Start out with leisurely walks after consulting your doctor and then move on to something more active that invigorates and energizes you. Research has proved that hatha yoga helps boost energy levels of cancer survivors and also helps them sleep better without the aid of sleeping pills.

• Giving up addictions: The urge to throw caution to the winds and live life king-size is strong after you’ve survived a deadly disease like cancer, so you may probably go all out and smoke and/or drink like you never have before. But do remember that you’ve gone through a lot and put up with much pain and angst in order to survive. After driving away the disease, don’t welcome it back with open arms by smoking and drinking without a care in the world.

• Socializing with friends and family: The best medicine in the world is love and laughter, and these cannot be purchased at any drugstore in the world. When you’ve been given a second chance, boost your mental and physical health by surrounding yourself with loved ones and spending more time in their company. Relationships matter more than money or work, so get your priorities right and feel better about yourself.

• Staying positive: And finally, it’s important to look ahead and not behind at the road you’ve taken to come this far if you want to stay mentally healthy after beating cancer. Yes, it’s been a struggle, but by focusing on all the good things that lie ahead, it’s easy to move on and forge a good life for you, one that does not include the dreaded word cancer at all.

About the guest blogger:

 Susan White regularly writes on the subject of radiology technician schools schools. She invites your questions, comments at her email address: susan.white33@gmail.com.

Its (fill in cancer type) awareness month

Its September.  Its Prostate, Ovarian, Childhood, Thryoid & Gynecological awareness month.  Everyone grab your ribbon color of choice and wear it proudly.  

I am a breast cancer survivor, we get a month, and pink is plastered everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE, it sells everything from hair brushes (ironic since most breast cancer survivors lose their hair) to tuna fish and toilet paper (Wipe for the cure??)   

So I go into the grocery store and do shopping as I usually do and I don't see any thing yellow or teal or blue promoting childhood, ovarian or prostate cancer awareness.  Why is that?  My cancer isn't any more or less important than any other cancer survivor.  The only thing I have seen on tv or in the stores was a Hyundai commercial stating that they would donate a certain percentage of car sales to childhood cancer awareness.

At least someone is doing something right?

I consider myself a cancer advocate, not just for breast cancer, but for all cancers, even if it is one I can't pronounce or have never heard of.  Its ridiculous in my opinion to give cancers certain months.  I was diagnosed in September, cancer didn't wait for its allotted month to strike me.  Cancer doesn't do that. Those of us who have been diagnosed know that.

 We shouldn't wait until a certain month to raise awareness for any type of cancer, and the whole cancer awareness thing really gets me, is there anyone anywhere who isn't aware that there is cancer?  If I buy chicken of the sea with a pink ribbon on it the money should go towards research, helping other survivors, finding a cure, finding better meds to deal with the cancer, not for awareness. 

During the Cancer Treatment Centers of America Empowerment Rally I was fortunate to meet in person, after being a I guess for lack of a better term a" friend in the virtual world" Matthew Zachary, founder or I'm Too Young for This!  a foundation that helps young adult survivors.  We shared a ride to the airport and we were discussing cancer "awareness" Basically he said we should think of the body as a whole, not as parts, all the organizations should help each other.  I totally agree.  Yeah, you might think breasts are sexy and they sell, but if you don't have the lungs behind them to work or the brain to think  or skin, then what are they?  Just another body part with cancer.

So yeah for me every month is cancer awareness/advocacy month.  Until there is a cure.

Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand and on Itunes.

Help Beat the Clock on Cervical Cancer

Another Guest Blogger Enjoy

In October of 2008, I was diagnosed with Stage IIB cervical cancer, a couple of months after retiring from the NYPD. After a long and tough journey of radiation and chemotherapy treatments, I was cleared by my doctor in May 2009. May 5, 2010 marked my first year of remission and I am hoping for many more. Cancer changed my life; I thank God for my second shot at life as my priorities have changed and I am proud to call myself a cervical cancer survivor.



In September 2009, I did a cervical cancer walk (Walk to beat the clock, organized by non-profit Tamika & Friends). At the walk, I found inspiration in seeing so many cervical cancer survivors telling their stories to help other women understand that through awareness and prevention, this disease can be entirely eliminated. So, I joined the movement and now I am the President of Tamika & Friends’ New York City Chapter. Tamika & Friends is a national non-profit organization dedicated to raising awareness about cervical cancer and its link to the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). It was founded in 2005 by cervical cancer survivor and advocate Tamika Felder.


On September 25, Tamika & Friends is having their 3rd annual NYC Walk to Beat the Clock to help beat the clock on cervical cancer. We want to publicly celebrate women who have survived, remember those who have lost their battle, support those who fight cervical cancer today and educate women on how to prevent a cervical cancer diagnosis all together!


Cervical Cancer is almost 100% preventable, yet 11 women die each day from this disease. I do not want any other woman to go through what I did and become another statistic. I am committed to the eradication of cervical cancer along with Tamika & Friends.


Patti Murillo-Casa

Cervical Cancer Survivor

President, NYC Chapter, Tamika & Friends

Exercise and the Cancer Patient – All You Need to Know

Another Guest Blogger Enjoy

It’s a horrible disease, one that makes you suffer even if lets you live. No one can claim to know what a cancer patient goes through unless they’ve had some form of this dreaded disease as well. The shock of the initial diagnosis, the pain of the chemotherapy and radiation therapy, the loss of dignity and control over your life, the fear of suffering and eventual death – the list of agonies goes on and on when it comes to cancer. Even survivors are battle-scarred – they’ve lost so much of their life and sometimes even lose the will to fight the disease even though they’re over the worst of it, simply because they feel too exhausted mentally and physically.


However, exercise helps make a significant difference in the lives of cancer patients; whether they’re part of the rehab procedure or a regular part of the survivor’s life, workout routines provide them with:

• An increase in strength: When you’ve been ill for a while, your muscles atrophy and your limbs and joints become stiff and clumsy. You find that you stumble when you walk and that even the most simple chores and activities are now strenuous exercises. When you exercise so that your muscles and joints become stronger and more nimble, you feel yourself returning to normal and feeling fine.

• A boost in confidence: Exercise boosts both physical and mental wellbeing; just the fact that you’re able to move your limbs and go through the workout routine your therapist had designed for you is a boost to your confidence because it proves that you’re fighting the disease with all you’ve got and not letting it get you down. When you’re mentally prepared to do all it takes to fight cancer, it makes a huge difference in your ability to recover.

• Lower complications: When you exercise, you reduce the side effects and complications caused by your illness. You don’t suffer from blood clots and bedsores because of being holed up in bed for too long, and your overall health improves even as you battle cancer.

• Overall improvement in health: Exercise helps you sleep better and sometimes even removes the need for pain medication. Your appetite improves and you’re able to eat nutritious food that boosts your heath. And you start to look and feel better as your energy levels go up and you feel stronger than before.

Your physiotherapist will probably give you a range of exercises to go through every day; based on the nature of your illness, it could be passive or intense. Some routines target your ROM (range of movement) – for example, if you’ve had breast cancer and had your lymph nodes removed as part of the surgery, your arms and shoulders are going to feel stiff and heavy. Your therapist will teach you the right exercises so that you’re able to use your arms again without feeling any pain.

Exercise has also proved beneficial in reducing your risk of a relapse – breast and colorectal cancer research has shown that survivors who exercise are less likely to be affected by the disease again. So if you’re affected by cancer and on your way to recovery, don’t forget to include exercise in your arsenal of weaponry when fighting the disease.



This guest post is contributed by Paul Hench, he writes on the topic of  masters in public health. He welcomes your comments at his email id: paul.23hench@gmail.com.

A review of Showtime's The Big c

Hollywood never ceases to amaze me.  I worked there for 10 years in the television industry, working on everything from award shows to movies of the week to sitcoms to drama.  So I know when hollywood creates something like the series The Big c I have to suspend my disbelief (and oh, if you are not a frequent reader of my blog then I will tell you I don't capitalize the word cancer, gives it too much power, so even just the letter c in a title, sorry not going to do it.)


Laura Linney's character Cathy Jameson is told she has stage IV melanoma and only has a year or so to live.  She is in obvious shock and decides to forgo chemo (she doesn't want to lose her hair) and doesn't get a second opinion.  Right, you only have a year to live.  Ok thanks for the news doc, I will take your word for it.  Bye now...

I know many stage IV survivors who were given their "expiration date" by doctors who are still here, past that date,  fighting, alive and kicking. 

In the pilot episode Cathy doesn't tell her husband or her son about her cancer diagnosis.  Some may think this is selfish, but I get this part.  Cancer is scary, and in the midst of a diagnosis it is hard to process anything.  So yeah I understand.  It took me a while to tell people about my diagnosis.  Some people knew right away, others knew later.  For me it was hard to keep telling the story over and over and over again.

Linney's character decides that she needs to start living, she has been an uptight housewife for too long.  She wants to let her freak flag fly (I didn't make that up it was on the showtime site for the show)  I understand she wants to let loose, who wouldn't want to tell people exactly what they think of them, or build a pool in the front yard, ( I live in an apartment complex, so I think the manager would be upset if I started digging up the place)  but it doesn't give you the right to treat people like crap, like telling one of her students she has to be fat and jolly or be the skinny bitch. Sure, like that student wouldn't go straight to the schools administration and tell them what she said.

I felt that her character was very unlikeable at the beginning of the show, and really had few redeeming qualities.  Perhaps the writers felt that this was important so we see her go through her transformation into someone living life to the fullest.

The jury is still out for me on this show.  I try not to make a judgement on a show based upon one episode.  Given the subject matter and the cast, I will continue to watch this hollywood version of cancer, and suspend my disbelief

Mel is the producer~co-host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.  Available  on demand and also available on Itunes

Preventing a Recurrence of Cancer

Another guest blogger.  Enjoy

According to the National Cancer Institute, there are over 12 million cancer survivors in the US today.  And that number is expected to grow, as the population ages, treatments improve, and tests find the disease earlier.  

Cancer survivors face a myriad of health challenges, not to mention the daunting fear the cancer will return.  However, once a patient is deemed "in remission," they are typically disconnected from care -- as well as any attending support -- and told to come back in three to six months where diagnostic scans or blood tests will determine if the cancer has returned.

We suggest a far more pro-active, empowered approach: a remission maintenance plan that offers cancer survivors a personalized program to regain control of their health, restore vitality and protect against the cancer returning. At the Block Center, once a patient has completed their treatment, we personally tailor a comprehensive Remission Maintenance program for them that includes: therapeutic nutrition, exercise, mind-spirit care, and anti-tumor therapies.

Understandably, after hearing that they are "in remission," patients may want to retreat psychologically to a "cancer- free" zone and never think about the disease again.  But this is why they shouldn't:  Cancer is as much a microscopic and molecular disease as it is a visible one. Thus, a patient in remission may still harbor malignant cells (ones that were resistant to chemotherapy or radiation, and therefore survived the attack phase). These cells unfortunately have the ability to show up with a vengeance, even when one least suspects. Not placing far greater emphasis on containing and addressing these cells from the get-go is a significant omission of mainstream treatment. But while preemptive treatment strategies may only exist in integrative clinics, when it comes to the diagnostic side, a new technology has begun demonstrating the relevance of these virulent escape cells.

Enter CTCs (circulating tumor cells)! Over a decade ago, the Block Center was one of a few that were performing bone marrow biopsies to evaluate for malignant cells in both the marrow and in circulation. It took several years, but eventually this evolving diagnostic technology made it into conventional care. While easier to perform today and more reliable as well, we continue to use this in our clinic. This technology allows us and others the ability to measure in our patients the number of these detached cells circulating freely from the main cancer mass.  Though not yet approved for all cancer, research studies have shown that an increase of these cells is prognostic of a patient's survival.

For instance, a CTC count may be a better prognostic indicator for survival among prostate cancer patients than a PSA level -- the test used presently to determine and follow the course of prostate cancer growth.

By comparing the levels of CTC in 37 men with metastatic prostate cancer, researchers at Thomas Jefferson University found that for the men with 5 CTCs or more, the median overall survival was only 8.4 months. Whereas, if these men were found to have less than 5 CTCs, the median survival was 48 months! 

The relevance of CTCs is also relevant to other cancers. For instance, CTCs were measured in 151 women with metastatic breast cancer. The MD Anderson Cancer Center's researchers found that those patients with 5 or more CTCs had a median survival of only 13 months, whereas those with less 5 survived over 29 months!

Controlling, preventing or overcoming these detached and disseminating cells is possibly the biggest conundrum facing cancer scientists. While these cells are generally addressed during treatment, the first steps of recurrence prevention should start with strategies to counter the survival of these residual cells and inhibiting their potential proliferation. In fact, CTCs that have gone through the onslaught of treatment and have nonetheless survived have the potential to evolve into more aggressive clones encouraging a more virulent malignancy. So what to do?

Aggressive Monitoring

We recommend regular monitoring of patients' status with lab tests and imaging to detect early signs of disrupted biochemistry or a recurrence of disease, especially in the year or two after remission.

Being "diagnostically aggressive" may allow us to be less invasive therapeutically. In the first years after remission, therefore, we recommend:

• Clinical visits with your oncologist, at least every three to four months in the first and second year and every six months for the next several years
• Scans and blood tests of tumor markers every three months.
• Complete blood count and chemistry test every three months.
• Nutrition status, including weight changes, body composition, and albumin levels, every three months.
• Internal terrain monitoring, every three to six months for the terrain factors that are most problematic.

While monitoring, there is no reason to wait anxiously for the other shoe to drop.  So immediately implement a full integrative program.

• Make sound dietary changes toward adherence of a whole foods diet.  Reduction in dietary fat has already been shown to cut recurrences in different cancers. Controlling refined flour, sugar and junk food is a necessary step to avoid the recurrence risk of elevated blood glucose and spiking insulin levels.
• Introduce aerobics, strength and flexibility training into your daily schedule. Yoga, pilates, chi gong or any number of fitness approaches is an essential step towards recurrence prevention. Considerable research supports that risk, response, recurrence and outcomes are tied to physical care.
• Mitigate stress through progressive relaxation, meditation, or simply easing the load on an excessive work schedule. Elevated cortisol levels are associated with poorer outcomes in breast cancer patients. So do what it takes to transform less healthy patterns.
• Get rest and adequate sleep. The more active you are in the daytime, the better you'll sleep at night. Few of us get enough sleep and the adverse consequences to an otherwise health promoting, cancer inhibitory environment can be devastating.

© 2010 Keith I. Block, M.D., author of Life Over Cancer: The Block Center Program for Integrative Cancer Treatment
Author Bio
Keith I. Block, M.D. is Director of Integrative Medical Education at the University of Illinois College of Medicine; Medical Director of the Block Center for Integrative Cancer Treatment in Evanston, Illinois; and founder and Scientific Director of the nonprofit Institute for Integrative Cancer Research and Education. He is also editor in chief of the peer-reviewed professional journal Integrative Cancer Therapies and a member of the National Cancer Institute's Physician Data Query Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM) Editorial Board.

For more information, please visit www.lifeovercancer.com and www.blockmd.com. Become a fan of Life Over Cancer and the Block Center for Integrative Cancer Treatment on Facebook.

Done

I wish that is what they would stamp on my cancer chart. DONE. As if you could just stamp something and have it be so like "top secret"  like on NCIS or "case closed," like the CIA does. Sadly that is not the case. I don't think you can ever be done with cancer. Even in remission or not having it for many years, there is always that scanxiety, with every blood test, or scan, or even phone call.

September 18th will be my 3 year cancerversary.  Still can't believe it has been 3 years.

Certain things I remember like they were yesterday.  Other stuff is just a giant chemoblur.  I remember when I was told, obviously, when the surgeon told me my options, when the oncologist said ok we can start chemo next week, I thought, what, already holy shit, give me more than 7 days after I get my port in to process this craziness.

My friends told me that it would be over before I knew it.  I didn't believe them at the time.

This is going to take forever I thought HOW MANY MONTHS WILL I HAVE THIS GODDAMN PORT IN?  How long will I be going through chemo and herceptin, and I have to reschedule my life around an afternoon radiation appointment?  Really?

My friend was right.  Although it didn't seem like it it did go by fast.  Now I watch other people go through similar situations that I did, chemo, surgery radiation, and I see the anger and frustrations in their posts.  I know how they feel, I felt that way too. 

Its hard to explain to my friends that soon this will be a distant memory, that this wont last forever, but when you are in the moment, surrounded by cancer, time stands still.

I will continue to advocate, continue to speak about patient empowerment, continue to share my story, continue to blog.

Until there is a cure.

Only then will I be Done.

Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now and also available on Itunes

Interview on KSPI-FM Stillwater Radio Oklahoma 7/19/10

Interviewed by Chris Greenert of Stillwater Radio on 7/19/10 talking about all things Cancer Warrior!!

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now and also available on Itunes

Empowerment Rally Wrap up..

WOW.  So I still can't believe that I was asked to be a part of a panel for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America on social media and how to be an empowered patient.  Even when I was there I was almost expecting a knock on the door from someone saying whoops, er, ah,we didn't mean to invite you, we made a mistake...

It was such an amazing experience to be a part of a panel, and humbling to be asked.  I spent the day with four other survivors, Joe Bacal, Lani Horn, Jody Schoeger and Matt Zachary.  This was the first time I had met these survivors in real life, otherwise we have just communicated via the virtual world, texting or by phone.  Matt Zachary I have known the longest.  I started blogging on his stupid cancer blog and owe him a lot because of that.  Meeting everyone and listening to their experiences was just so awesome.

We met the pr group to go over the ins and outs of the rally, toured the hospital, which didn't feel like a hospital, learned about how the hospital was founded, and went on what they called "Hope Rounds" before the rally.

Hope rounds were my favorite.  That is where we walked around the hospital and met other survivors going through treatment, for most CTCA is their last resort, most have already been told you have 6 months to live (so they are stage 3 & 4 survivors), get your affairs in order, or have been misdiagnosed.  Meeting these people and having them share their stories was incredible. Telling them about my story gave them a little more hope, at least that is what I think.  I do hope I made an impact on at least one of the people I shared my story with.


The rally lasted an hour, all 5 of us were asked various questions pertaining to our treatment, doctors, survivorship etc.  It could have lasted all day.  We each have so much to share, so much to teach, so much to learn. 


I posted pictures on facebook of the rally and tweeted  about it.  Several people called me a hero, and said they were proud of what I do.  That makes me a little uncomfortable.


I don't consider myself a hero.  I just do what needs to be done. 


Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live 10am-noon Monday-Friday on wmktthetalkstation.

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now and also available on itunes. 

Cancer Treatment Centers of America Empowerment Rally

Watch live streaming video from cancercenter at livestream.com

The Team

ESPN had an hour special on about where Lebron James was going to play.  An hour.   I didn't watch it but I posted on facebook and twitter about how great it would be if ESPN would donate an hour to Mandi Schwartz, about her plight, and her need to find a donor.  I got responses on facebook that I wasn't expecting. Some people seemed upset about it.  Uh its only one hour, and dude, Lebron decided around 4pm that day where he was going.  They said ESPN is a sports channel (wow now THERE'S breaking news)  That ESPN donates millions of dollars to cancer research through the Jimmy V foundation, which is totally awesome and I applaud them for that.


60 minutes was all I was saying the sports channel could donate to help Mandi, or even 30, in the mere scope of things it isn't that long.  That is about as long as we wait for the doctor, not even including the actual appointment.  It would be cool if any channel would donate an hour or even a half hour to Mandi, but I get it if you donate for one person, should you donate time for all? It could be a slippery slope.

Mandi is a hockey player, like me.  She plays at a collegiate level, ok so not like me.  I would love to share the ice with her and skate with her team, even though I would get seriously schooled by the Yale Women's Hockey team, it would totally rock.

Well now Mandi is on another team.  A team that I joined in Sept 2007 when I was diagnosed with cancer. 

A team I really didn't want to join.

But here I am.

On this team.

I hope Mandi reads this, so she knows she has people like me on her team.  There are people who were on this team before me, and unfortunately will be after me.

Since hockey is a great analogy for fighting cancer, I have just one thing to say to Mandi, and, to anyone on my team, who is on the ice,skating hard, or  battling...

I will drop the gloves for you.

For more info about Mandi: http://www.BecomeMandisHero.net


Mel is the producer of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon on www.wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now and also available on Itunes.

Hit me baby one more time....

So my docs office called me on Saturday morning.  Yes you read that right Saturday morning. At 8:30 to give me the results of a bone scan.  Now anyone who knows me knows that if you call me that early and I answer chances are I wont have a clue of what we talked about.  I am more of a night owl, or insomniac, whichever you want to call it.  So she mentioned something about osteopenia and the scan I had a while ago.

So I fall back to sleep and when I wake up I am thinking osteopenia?  What the hell is that?  Sounds like some country in Europe, between Luxemborg and Lithuania, I was never really good at geography so I guess it could have been.

Of course I look up osteopenia. I am a internet junkie, of course I am going to look it up.  It is defined on Web MD as: Osteopenia refers to bone mineral density BMD  that is lower than normal peak BMD but not low enough to be classified as osteoporosis.

So let me get this straight. I finished up the shitty part of my treatment in mid 2008.  I get a bone scan and find out that I have another side effect.

FUCK.

While I know that this was a possibility, once again going back to the "menu" of side effects that the docs give you while you are going through treatment I didn't expect it. I expected to be finished.  Done with side effects.  I still have lingering neuropathy that shows up every once and a while like an unwanted house guest and sometimes stays like one too.

Getting another side effect is like getting punched in the face without expecting it. Except, with that the black eye you may get will go away. Osteopenia  however stays with you.  Yes I will take more pills (oh goody just what I wanted to do spend more fucking money on meds and take more fucking pills) and do weight bearing exercises (walking, which I find extremely boring and tedious, and no there will be no running, not with these knees)  to help offset the osteopenia.

Sometimes I wonder why my body hates me so much. I have been pretty good to it, (well we wont talk about those college days, that is just to be expected, and what happens in the dorms stays in the dorms)  It attacks me with cancer (overproduction of cells)  My immune system attacks me (hypothyroidism) I have vitamin d deficiency, I have no clue how I got that besides I am not outside enough?    My mind attacks me with depression.

It is very frustrating to think you are out of the woods only to look up and see more trees.

Like I always say:

Cancer, its the gift that keeps on giving. 

Mel is the co~host/producer of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com 

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com. Available on demand and also available on itunes.

The Race

I went to my first NASCAR race recently, one of the perks of where I work.  I got pit passes, got up close to the drivers pit crew, saw all the prep they do during the race and when the car comes into pit row (ok so if I get the names of things wrong sorry, I play hockey, watching NASCAR to me reminds me of when I lived by the 101 freeway in the San Fernando Valley)

I am always thinking of my next blog, or podcast, what inspiring survivor I can get on the podcast, what I should write next.  I was uploading my race photos to facebook and I thought this kind of reminds me of treatment.

The race was my cancer experience.  While I was in the race, time stands still, moves slow.  For others it is just another day, minutes are regular minutes hours are hours days are days. 

The noise of the race was deafening.  That reminds me of when the doc first tells you "It's cancer"  Suddenly words run together, people are talking but it doesn't make sense.  You can hear your own heartbeat in the sound of the race.

The docs, nurses medical staff are your pit crew. All of the pit crew around the car reminded me of surgery, you are almost out of it, there are people around that you don't know and they are all checking on you.

"Checking under the hood"  as I like to call it when they do a breast exam.  The adding of the oil, like a blood draw, well you get the analogies.  Although I do think a blood draw would be less upsetting to me if the needles made that whirr sound like the pneumatic drill does in the race.

Your caregiver is your pit boss.  Making sure everything goes smoothly.  Not that that is entirely possible.  No one can foresee nausea, insomnia or any of the other lovely side effects that go along with cancer, but if it wasn't for your pit boss, your race would be more difficult

Everyones race experience is different.  Some go through treatment with little side effects, no major crashes to speak of.  Others have their cars in pit row the whole time of the race.  I have to say I was somewhere in between. 

Once the treatment is over, some people think the race is over, but there could be more races, meaning, complications, more surgeries, recurrance, depression, entirely new cancers.  Different races, different tracks.

We are all just looking to cross the finish line.  Doesn't matter if we get the checkered flag.  Just matters that that we finish the race, that we beat cancer.

I am looking forward to the time when no one will have to race.

Mel is the co-host/producer of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live Monday~Friday 10am-Noon on wmktthetalkstation.com.  Also available as a podcast.

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com

Dear Cancer...

I started thinking about this on the eve of an oncology appointment.  If cancer was here, in this room, what I would say to it.

Dear  Cancer,

I go between being really pissed at you and being grateful.  Pissed?  You are wondering why I am pissed at you?  You stole almost two years from me,  where instead of having surgeries, chemo, radiation, nausea, constipation, insomnia, anger, having my pee turn red, having mouth sores, being bald, not being able to work as much as I used to when I should have been playing hockey, riding my bike, being outside enjoying the weather, not being so fucking tired I wanted to sleep, then not being able to sleep because of insomnia, making dinner then not being able to eat because I felt like shit.

You make it hard for me to think, because of chemobrain.  I used to know the answers to things, but some days I just struggle to put sentences together. 

I have scars, both emotional and physical because of you. You made it hard for me to look at myself for the longest time, that has passed, but I am still angry about it.

You are the reason my friend Nick Corea is no longer here.  You took him from us too soon.  I still remember that day when I found out he was gone.  It was like it was yesterday.  You robbed the world of a great man.  For that you will never be forgiven.


You wonder why I am grateful?  I am not grateful for you, lets make that clear.  I am grateful that I found you early, early enough to get treatment to stop you.  I am grateful that I found strength that I never knew I had, Grateful that I have an awesome support system of friends, family and co-workers.  The medical staff that I had was the best anyone could ask for.

Grateful I found a voice not only for myself, but because of you, I can speak for those who can't, who are too afraid, too sick, too weak or just too afraid.

Grateful for the network of people that I have found who hate you as much as I do.  Who want to eradicate you as much as I do.

Grateful I have found a purpose.  Ha, you think you did all this for me?  I realized strength and determination was in me all along, it just took something as vile as you to bring it to the surface.

Now you can leave.  You can leave all my friends alone.  You can leave people I never met alone.  You can go away.  Never come back.


If you do the last five things I ask I will be eternally grateful.

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern standard time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now, and also available on itunes

The importance of vigilance

Kari's survivor story

Thanks to Dana Farber Cancer Institute for allowing me to repost

Bio of the host of video:
Dr. Kenneth Miller, medical director of Dana-Farber's Lance Armstrong Foundation Adult Cancer Survivorship Program knows that the end of cancer treatment is not the end of the cancer experience. As an oncologist, and a husband of a two-time cancer survivor, Dr. Miller knows that survivors need to find a new balance in life, one that recognizes where they’ve been medically, and where they’re going for a healthy future. The Living Well Beyond Cancer video series available for viewing online at www.dana-farber.org/livingwellbeyondcancer features Miller interviewing experts from the fields of oncology, psychology, nutrition, and more, outlining many of the issues survivors typically face, from fear of recurrence to long-term health concerns to creating a wellness plan.

Cure or Cancer Free?

I got into a heated debate, well lets say argument with a friend of mine about doctors using the word cure.  Once again, I have to say  this is my personal opinion, which will, I am sure piss some people off. I get stubborn that way.  I have my own beliefs.  I am not saying they are right, they are just mine.  Like I was telling my friend.  This is only my opinion, you don't have to like it, and if everyone had the same opinion as me the world would be a pretty boring place.

I hate it when doctors use the word cure when describing cancer.  Let's be honest.  There is no cure, not for one tiny little variant strain of any cancer. I wish to God there was.  I wish all oncologists would be put out of business, but that is not the case.

My friend asked me why it bothered me so much, Here is why: THERE IS NO CURE FOR CANCER.  For me, my definition, cure means there is 100% chance that your cancer will not return.  No doctor can say that, because, well once again, no cure. 

After I argued with my friend, I googled cure for cancer, just to see what I would come up with. Couldn't find anything listed.  Now I hoped against all hopes that I was wrong, that I would see something  on oncolink or something posted from the New England Journal of Medicine. 

Nothing.

I am cancer free, that is what the surgeon told me when he removed the cancerous tumor from my body.  If I was cured, then I would have assumed there would have been no need for the months of chemo, radiation and targeted gene therapy afterwards.

But I went through all that, and I still take tamoxifen, and I will until 2012.  I still get blood tests and scans, and have appointments, and I still worry a little every time,  because I am not cured, but because I am cancer free. 

I will advocate, I will blog, I will keep on doing my podcast.


Until there's a cure.

Mel is the producer of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern standard time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand and on itunes

Decisions, Decisions

Another guest blogger

this blog took me ages 2 write down.. i was already thinkin a few weeks ago that i should finally write a new one again but i just didnt found the right words. but finally, finally i found a really good reason n the right words as well...

like some of u may know have i been in a emotional desaster lately.. i've been through a lot of ups n downs and i honestly have 2 say that it wasnt that easy 2 handle like it seemed.. first i was much more than happy that i was finally done with all this cancer crap.. got some good news that i was almost done with chemo.. i mean 2 more chemos 2 go isnt that bad.. so last monday i started chemo again.. i wa supposed 2 stay in hopital for 4 days this time.. i know what u might think now.. "well doesnt sound that much this time so it cant b that bad.." but peeps u have 2 know that the more shorter it was this time the more harder have been my chemodrugs.. it was really pushin me down this time but somehow i always found a way back up after everydays at least 8 hour session..

side effects like nausea hit me up really bad.. tuesday night i thought i would die.. i didnt even sleep cuz i needed 2 throw up nearly every 30 minutes.. after the 15th time throwin up i simply stoped counting.. my stomach started hurting really bad n one time again my heart become really weak.. maybe the second reason why i couldnt sleep.. i really think that its another reason cuz i was simply scared that i would almost pass away again, like i almost did 3 times before as i got my monstersession how i call them.. i've absolutly no clue why my heart isnt able 2 take all the drugs wich suddenly should help me 2 get better even if i have 2 go through hell before.. anyways that wasnt the only thing wich got more and more worse 4 me in the last week...
it also got more hard 4 me 2 breathe.. first i thought "that isnt that bad christina, maybe u r just exhausted from fighting.." well truely understandable that i thought that first cuz i really have been through hell over and over again the last weeks and month.. but my docs have become really worried and so they did some tests ( x-rays, bloodtests, CTscans n all that stuff ) i felt really uncomfortable cuz i didnt know what they thought it would be.. i just could read in their faces that it couldnt be something good.. i was so worried.. and i was allowed 2 be worried cuz of that.. well they did the test on wednesday n i got the results of that on friday.. they told me that my lung got attact with another sarcoma.. i truely dont wanted believe what ive just been told n so i asked if they r kidding me.. but sadly they havent been kidding me :S they said that they r goin 2 add 4 more chemos and that it might be fixed then.. i thought fine.. doesnt sound that bad.. 4 more chemos thats nearly nothing after everything i already faced in the past and so i was just happy that it wasnt "that bad" ...

cuz they had some trouble in the laboratoy i couldnt get the results of me blood test on friday.. and so i got them yesterday.. i went to my doc really happy cuz i thought everythign is goin on well.. drugs r workin n i was suppsed 2 go home.. but i've learned that u shouldnt be to optimisic when u r about 2 get the results of ur bloodtest -.-'
as soon i went into the room i formally could feel that somthing isn't right.. there was just something in the air.. so i sat down n asked the doc "whats wrong?? why r u looking so upset??" the room was filled with silence.. after arround 2 min ( wich seemed like 2 ages to me ) he finally looked up to me n started telling me that my medicatons stoped working for a reason they didnt found out until now.. ( u need 2 know that it was already the second time where they stoped working n we already changed them a couple of weeks ago ) i got a lumb in my throat, my eyes were filled with tears but i tried 2 hold them back as good as i could in that situatioin, i didnt know what 2 say i was just shocked that it happend again... then he continued telling me that they wouldnt have any idea what to do next and so they faced me with the hardest decision a human is ever able 2 be faced with...
i've been told that i would have 2 opportunities.. number 1 would be: stop the treatment and gettin rid of all the suffering and being able 2 enjoy the last 6 month i would have untill i'm gone... number 2 would be: continue the treatment getting much more chemo and another round of different drugs wich they are normally not usin for leukemia patients cuz its a really rough medication.. wich still doesnt mean that i'll make it though.... so i've been faced with dying happy within 6 month or dyin full of pain and even more suffering within 2 years... i've been so shocked that i couldnt say the tiniest word anymore.. my eyes started burnin cuz there were already overfilled with tears.. i just wanted 2 get outta the room.. so i just got up n went out.. my doc asked me what i wanna do n i just said i need a bit time 2 think about everything..
and well here i am now.. sitting alone at home cuddling my doc n asking god if its fair or not.. well i really dont have any idea what 2 do.. cuz a 21 year old woman shouldnt worry about how long she will b on earth, she shouldnt have 2 pick #1 or #2 (doesnt matter wich # i'm goin 2 pick cuz my life will totally change again) its not the right time for a 21 year old 2 worry about stuff like that!! normally i should worry about whom i'm goin 2 date or what i'm goin 2 wear or how i'm goin 2 do my hair but not about how long she wanna stay n wich way might be the right way.. i'm sitting here in tears right now cuz i just wanna wake up outta this nightmare.. dont know but somehow its like a slap right into my face cuz it's like i've been fightin so long for nothing.. it seems like it have been a waste of time... just the fact that i'm goin 2 die doesnt matter wich option i'm goin 2 take is truely killin me.. there's so much stuff popin up in my head.. so many what if questions but most of all i'm worryin what others r thinkin about the decision i'm goin 2 take.. i´m scared that they r goin 2 blame me for "givin up", scared that i´m goin 2 break so much hearts out there, scared that i'm goin 2 lose more loved ones and friends like i already did at the beginnin of this journey...
on the one hand i really wanna fight until the bitter end but on the other hand i dont want 2 suffer that much anymore... its just a freakishly weird feeling wich is overcomin me since a couple of hours... and the fact that i'm facin a decision like that alone without any support of my family doesnt really make it easier.. cuz this is exactly one of those moments where u just wanna have ur mom around.. but i know that that will never happen cuz she just doesnt care..

anyways i just hope that i'm goin 2 take the right decision.. cuz like i already said i dont wanna dissapoint someone with the decision i'm goin 2 choose.....
decision over decision n it seems like there wont be an end so far...

"when i would have 3 wishes, the the only one would be NO MORE CANCER!!!!!" - by my own

about the blogger:
christina is a 21 year old cancer fighter who got diagnosed with ALL leukemia in december 2009. she's fighting the fight of her life all by her own without any support of her family or friends...
u can follow her journey here : http://justchristinah.jimdo.com/
http://just-christinah.livejournal.com/
http://twitter.com/justchristinah