Not exactly with the greatest of ease, but it sure was fun!!!

This is a picture of me doing a trapeze experience at a local resort that I used to work for. They have had the trapeze up every summer since I started working there in 2005. I never really thought about doing it until I had cancer. The resort allows the local media to try it for free then talk about it on the air, (how freakin cool is that really? get paid to talk about fun experiences that you do for free!!)

Last year two of my co-workers from the radio station tried the trapeze. I was still working at the resort at the time, and at the radio station. I was jealous that they were able to do it and I was not, I still had my port in and you are not supposed to do any contact sport when you have it in, yes it actually says that in the manual!!! I was not able to see how they did, but it looked like fun, and I vowed to myself I would do it this year.

When the time came I contacted person in charge of the trapeze and told him I wanted to do it, he set up a time and I went home excitedly and told my fiance that I was going to do it. The look on his face was what? really? why the hell would you want to do that?

I don't have a death wish, I don't want to climb mountains or do extreme sports (unless you consider hockey an extreme sport) I am not one of those people who wants to do something "just because it is there."

I had seen other people do the trapeze and I saw it was safe, you are harnessed in, there was a net underneath, and sure I had to sign the in event of death you do not hold us responsible waiver, in case of emergency contact, insurance info blah blah blah, ironically enough most of the same kind of paperwork you sign when you have major surgery. So after that was all taken care we stretched and got some instruction and were good to go.

The climb up the ladder wasn't so bad, and I am not afraid of heights, but I did forget one thing before I even decided to do this. I get motion sickness real easy, I usually have to sit in the front seat of a car or else I will be nauseous. You would have thought I would have remembered this little gem of information, but no I think the excitement of doing the trapeze made me totally forget about that.

The trick they have you do is stand all the way out on the platform with your toes on the edge, grab the bar with one hand,push your stomach out, grab the bar with your other hand and then on their signal jump off the platform then try, while moving, put your knees on the bar so you are hanging on it upside down.

Uh......ok.......

They said it was about momentum, not about upper body strength. Ya right, is that why my upper body feels sore today? I had 3 tries, was able to do it on the last one before the motion sickness took control and I had to stop.

Would I do it again? Probably, after a couple of months of serious upper body and core workouts and a lot of dramamine.

Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com

This is your brain after being on drugs

Recently I had a routine follow up appointment to the Oncologist. I equate these checkups to getting your car looked at, just change the oil, look under the hood, you know that kind of thing. It was my second appointment since finishing up herceptin and getting my port surgically removed. As a cancer survivor there is always that thought in the back of your mind that yes it could come back, but you go through your days and weeks keeping that thought at bay, filling time with the regular routine of life. Back to the appointment, after a blood draw that afternoon and an exam the news was good, see you in six months. Gotta love those kind of appointments.


I just got a book in the mail called "Your Brain After Chemo." I got it because the publisher saw my blog and wanted me to talk about it here, I just started reading it and the author and I have a similar cancer background. I told the publisher I will have them on the Vic McCarty show, I gather that the cancer survivors who listen to the show have what is commonly referred to as ChemoBrain. I have blogged about this quite often, because it is the most annoying side effect that I have. I usually have a great memory, but chemo brain takes away from that, it is like trying to find a file on your computer, you know its there, you can see it on the desktop, but cannot access it, or you forget where you put things, you see things like that. I know this book will have some good tips on helping me with my memory. Some days are better than others. Some days it doesn't bother me at all, other days I struggle to find the simplest thing that I should know (I am a trivia hound, I have more useless info stored in my head than most people.)

I know as I read more it will give me more insight and tips. Why am hoping that this will help?
Because when I went shopping the other day I was putting the groceries away and later found I put the ziploc bags in the fridge. I am glad I didn't put the fish we bought for dinner in the cupboard.

Mel is the Producer of The Vic McCarty show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com.

Don't give it power over you

I read alot. Books, articles on the internet, other blogs. One thing I have noticed is that people give cancer too much power. Of course when it is all around you it feels like it has power over you, over every little piece of you, your mind, your body, sometimes even your spirit. To battle it, the drugs they give you can make your skin feel weird, your hair fall out, make you feel like someone else. After treatment is over your survivorship begins, back to work, back to the normal routine of everyday life, going from 6 doctor visits a month back to the daily routine of work is kind of like a culture shock, kind of like when I moved here from California.

Cancer can consume you if you let it, taking over your thoughts and everything around you. That is giving it power. Writing about it, capitalizing the actual word cancer in my mind gives it power. Don't get me wrong, I obviously know the hold this disease can have over you, your friends, your family. Some days I used to feel that I would go into work and try to hide being upset and think that my co workers would think "oh there is cancer girl", upset at (fill in the blank.) Some days I would feel like I would want to crawl inside myself and hide, like no one else in the world could possibly feel like I did. Talking to other survivors I know that is not the case, but to me that is what it felt like.

A good friend of mine and 4 time cancer survivor said that a positive mental attitude can go a long way. I agree. Keeping a good sense of humor during a difficult time like battling a disease can be hard, especially when there are bills to pay, side effects to deal with, friends and family not knowing what to say or what to do to help, and just dealing with, well, life in general. I was able to keep my sense of humor during recovery from surgery, chemo, radiation, and now just survivorship in general.

Find your bliss, find what makes you happy in difficult times. Don't give cancer power over you.


Mel is the producer of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live at 10am-noon eastern Monday-Friday on www.wmktthetalkstation.com.

Just another constant reminder

I was at a friends cancer charity event over the weekend. It was a classic wooden boat show honoring my friend's mom. I got there early in the morning, well early for me on a weekend, and set up banners for the radio station that I work for and was going to do call ins to the radio station to let our listeners know about this cool event. The weather was beautiful and the boat show was a success, they raised a decent amount of money for a first annual event. My friend was happy that I was able to help out and invited me to the after party at 7pm, which was about 3 and a half hours from then. While I really wanted to go, I couldn't. While I had finished up my treatments on December 29th 2007, the side effects of cancer and chemo are still there.

We were wrapping up when the fatigue hit me. I don't usually get tired easily anymore but this sneaks up on me, kind of like that annoying uncle at your family bbq who comes up behind you and hugs you and knocks the wind right out of you. That is one of my side effects if I push myself, and sometimes I don't even think I am pushing myself until that happens, like uh uh, nope sorry, you are having too much fun, and you are feeling too much like yourself, so WHAM, there you go. The only way to counteract that is to lay down or nap. So no after party for me.

After leaving I went home to lay down. When the fatigue happens and I lay down, it is like my body is saying ahhh ok now lets try to relax, but relax to me and relax to my body are apparently two different things. I picture relaxing as just laying in bed and listening to some good relaxing music, like George Winston or Vivaldi, my body decides to let me know just how much I pushed it today, but making it feel like almost every nerve ending is awake and alive. Not easy to relax at that point, but eventually this ceases and I am able to nap.

The last little constant reminder is neuropathy. The Mayo clinic.com defines it as "Peripheral neuropathy, in its most common form, causes pain and numbness in your hands and feet. The pain typically is described as tingling or burning, while the loss of sensation often is compared to the feeling of wearing a thin stocking or glove." (Ironically I got this little side effect AFTER I was done with chemo, yeah, ha ha good one...)

Yeah that is what I have, I used to have it only on my right side in my hand and my leg. I don't have it in my hand anymore, but I still have it in my foot, it does feel like a tingling sock. It used to run up my leg and hurt, but now it just tingles and my foot occasionally goes numb, it doesn't hurt and it usually doesn't stop me from doing things, although I decided to opt out of a 5k that my friend and I were going to do in a couple of months, that and the fact I had no time to train were my deciding factors.

Tonight I will go to bed and lay there and as I drift off to sleep my right foot will tingle and be my little constant reminder of what I have been through.

I know I am lucky, if I miss a party or two because of this then that is ok, yes it is frustrating, but I can wake up in the morning and know every day I am getting back to "normal" or at least the new normal that all of us cancer survivors understand.

The Seven Stages of Grief

Originally posted on STUPIDCANCER.COM

I go to therapy once a week to deal with being a survivor. It does help me, and a couple of weeks ago my therapist and I were discussing the 7 stages of grief. Let me explain how that all relates to me.
1. Shock and disbelief Well duh, when I was diagnosed I was in shock, who wouldn’t be? I was in the best physical shape I ever was in my life, found a lump and never even thought cancer. Nothing like calling the doctor for your test results and my doc asking how soon I could get to the office? I was pretty sure it wasn’t for anything good, like hey our receptionist Carla just brought in some extra brownies that she made for her daughters bake sale, would you like some, and we can go over your test results! No, they save the bad news for the office, not on the phone, so you enjoy that long car ride, knowing full well what the news was when you got there. Even the doctor who did my biopsy was surprised, he said that he had been doing biopsys for 20 years and only 5 patients diagnosis surprised him. “Never tell me the odds” I thought to myself, quoting one of my favorite characters Han Solo.

2. Denial Ok we all had those holy shit I can’t believe this is happening to me moments after diagnosis, but once you are fully steeped within everything it is hard to be in denial. It was difficult to deny I had cancer when I had a drain safety pinned to my shirt after surgery and I slept on the couch for a week because it was the only place I was comfortable sleeping. I couldn’t deny I had cancer when the chemo treatments made all of my hair fall out, made my pee turn red, and I was constipated for a week. How could I be in denial? I was too damn tired to be in denial (yep fatigue from the chemo)

3. Anger I had a lot of pent up anger anyway, from not being able to play hockey, so the fact that I now had cancer just added a cherry on top of the anger sundae. Dealing with surgery, chemo, radiation, baldness, fatigue, co workers, family, friends, and just myself in general made me pretty angry. I would get angry for no reason at all, I am sure we, being survivors have all experienced this. Being out of toothpaste would just sometimes bring me into a fit of rage. I would get angry just for having cancer, to have to deal with all of this. Thank goodness for prescription medication.

4. Bargaining Maybe if I swear less, call my Mom more and be a better person in general I wont have cancer, do you hear me God? I tried to make promises, but I still had cancer. Bargaining doesn’t work and it doesn’t make you feel any better, I think I bargained for about a week, and gave up.

5. Guilt I don’t get this one. Why would you feel guilty if you have cancer? Its not your fault

6. Depression Yeah I got depressed, who wouldn’t? I had cancer, and I was trying to figure out the “new normal.” A whole year of my life would be dedicated to treatments, that’s a long ass time. Once again thank goodness for prescription medication.

7. Acceptance I finally accepted the fact that all of this crap happened to me, and I think I am a better person because of it. Would I have liked to become a better person with out cancer? Well hell yeah, that is a freakin no brainer.

Mel is the producer of the Vic McCarty show on www.wmktthetalkstation.com Monday through Friday 10am-Noon eastern standard time.

I am Ripley

This blog was originally posted on stupidcancer.com

I am a fan of movies, tv, sports and popular culture. My head is filled with useless information that would only be good if we were playing trivial pursuit (Do people still play that anymore?). I suppose you are wondering what the reference in my title means. I have been thinking about how you are never cured from cancer because, well, there is no cure. So I am like Ripley, the main character in the movie Alien. I have fought the beast and won, but is it over? Is cancer really gone from my body? Is it eradicated like the Alien at the end of the movie, blown out into deep space? Are there other Aliens out there somewhere… lurking ready to strike when least expected?

Cancer is like the Alien from the movie. It is big and scary and you don’t really know how you are going to deal with a big ugly monster like that until you stare it in the face. Do you run and hide and hope that it wont get you? Or do you stand and fight and kick its ass?.

I chose the latter.

I am Ripley.

What a difference a year makes...

This past weekend I was in the fourth of July parade. I was part of the Relay for Life float. It is the second time I was a part of the parade. Last year I was still going through treatment and I was so tired I couldn't even walk the parade route. I rode on the float with another survivor, an 8 year old girl. Its not that I was embarrased or anything that I was riding on the float. I was pissed off that cancer wouldn't allow me to walk.

Actually it wasn't cancer, it was hypothyroidism, which was probably a side effect of radiation, so it was because of cancer, indirectly, not directly. I was so tired that I tried to take a nap before the fireworks that night. It was hard to nap in the car. Parking sucks during the holidays we didn't want to lose our parking spot so we relaxed in the car until it was time for the show.

But back to this year. I started the day off at 10am in at the Dog look a like contest in Harbor Springs. Vic was the emcee of the event. After that I walked around with a friend at the art fair there. I stayed in Harbor Springs for about 4 hours until the parade started then I jetted out of there to go home to relax before the Petoskey parade.

I relaxed and watched some bad movie on cable then went to the location where the float was lined up for the parade. The day was beautiful and I was reminded of how I felt last year, how tired I was, and how bound and determined I was to walk in the parade, not ride in the float.

So yes I walked proudly in the parade. I actually walked a lot that day. Once the parade was over Doug and I walked around town until it was time for the fireworks, stopping of course to eat
and enjoy some ice cream on a nice hot summer evening.

The fireworks were awesome and they were the perfect ending to the weekend, which was also Doug's birthday weekend.

What a difference a year makes.