Monday, February 1, 2010
What reminded me of this was when I was at work and was watching it snow outside (don't tell the boss that I wasn't paying attention to the game for a few minutes) the big flakes falling slowly to the ground. How beautiful, how ironic. Ironic that I would pick something that is usually a souvenir of a vacation, or in one good friend of mines case, something silly, I would try to find the most ridiculous snowglobe I could, usually something from the 99 cent store would suffice. Something you would look at to remind you of the good times.
But not the cancer snowglobe. By the time you realize everything has been shaken up you have no idea where you are, whats going on or what to do. That is what cancer can do to you. I am still feeling like my snowglobe is still being shaken. Trying to deal with survivorship, figuring out how to pay the mounting medical bills, (oh I was excited to see I actually got a bill in the mail I could afford. Never thought I would be happy to see a bill) work, having this damn cold, of which the fatigue level reminds me of cancer fatigue, cancer advocacy, trying to find time to see Doug, see friends, you get it.
When you shake a snowglobe nothing is in the same place as it was before. That is how I feel sometimes. I still struggle with survivorship, with life after cancer, with the new normal. None of this I had asked for. A little over a year of fierce snowglobe shaking during treatment, now just a quick shake here~ here is a doctor bill you weren't expecting, and there~wait you want to take a trip somewhere? Think again, all your money goes to crazy foolish things like rent and food and bills. Shake, shake shake.
Next time I go on vacation, I will skip buying a snowglobe and get myself a T shirt.
Mel is the producer/co-host of the Vic McCarty Show Monday-Friday 10am-Noon eastern standard time. Listen live wmktthetalkstation.com
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