Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I have been talking to a lot of survivors for my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com. It has made me think of a lot of things that have happened to me. I remember when I was diagnosed I actually thought to myself "Well they must have someone else's chart." Yeah right. I live in a town of about 8 thousand people. My last name is Majoros. I am the only Majoros in the phone book. Pretty sure it was my diagnosis, unfortunately. I recall being really pissed at my doctor for not telling me what kind of breast cancer I had (the ultrasound tech told me which I guess is a real no-no) at that time my chart was only a couple of pages. She showed me that she didn't have the info, flipping between the 5 pages in my chart. Now its the size of a small book, the Gutenberg Bible of me. Whenever I go to the doctor I look at my chart and wish it was much smaller, and that chart is only for 2 years.
I was talking to another breast cancer survivor about her treatment, which was similar to mine, and we were discussing our side effects and medications. Its kind of funny to think about it like we were discussing parts of a recipe, ok if you add zofran to your benadryl whisk lightly with herceptin, sleep for an hour, then repeat every three weeks you will feel better!! We talked about hair loss, which I am still in awe of people who will go out in public with a bald head. Those who know me know I am not that shy, but when it came to that I was.
We were talking about how taboo it used to be to even say the word cancer, it was spoken of in hushed tones. Like you would say the whole sentence, then whisper the word cancer, as if to even speak it would bring it out like Beetlejuice.
Now many of my survivor friends shout it from the rooftops, well the modern version of it anyway, with blogs and podcasts and facebook posts and tweets. We know what its like. We want everyone to know about it. We don't want anyone else to get it. I personally don't want to welcome another person to the club no one wants to join.
Someone I respect called me a brave woman. I still don't understand why. I was told I had cancer. I am kind of stubborn, I don't back down from a fight. If you play hockey against you know it doesn't matter if you are five foot six or six foot five, if you have the puck, and I want it I will go after it, I may not get it the first time, but dammit you will see me, you will hear me and you will remember me.
Mel is the producer/cohost of The Vic McCarty Show Monday -Friday 10am-noon eastern time. Listen live on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio. Available on demand now.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
I have insurance, but it may not cover it. Will I get the test if it isn't covered? Yes. Why would I want to put myself deeper in the hole financially for a simple blood test? For one it would tell me if I am at a higher risk for other cancers. Having gone through chemo once is enough thanks. It was a long year going through treatment and I certainly don't want to do that again, and would do anything I can not to go through that again.
Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern standard time on www.wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Two weeks to the day of my first chemo, which was Nov 12, 2007 my hair started falling out. Nothing like taking a nice hot shower in the winter and having your long dark lockes of hair come out in clumps in the shower. A few days later I went in after hours to my salon La Dolce Vita in Petoskey and had my stylist Val shave my head. Doug, my fiance and my neighbor Stacey came along with me for moral support. I thought about having more people there, kind of a head shaving party, but it was hard enough to keep it together when my hair was falling out. My only regret of that night is that I didn't take pictures of the whole process. I think it would have made the long winter months without my hair and the little peach fuzz on my head more bearable.
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
- Know what to expect: It is going to be hard to face reality, but when it comes to cancer, being prepared is an absolute necessity. Talk to your loved one’s doctor very openly and ask how you can make them more comfortable and happy in their last days. Don’t be gloomy all the time and try to make their life as joyful as possible on the days when they are relatively pain free and comfortable. And accept the fact that there is nothing you can do except help alleviate their pain and offer them company when they want it.
- Your loved one is bound to be unreasonable: There was an episode on Gray’s Anatomy where a man who had a malignant tumor in his brain abused his wife verbally every chance he got. The poor woman had to cope with his rapid change in moods besides struggling to accept the fact that he was most likely to die during the experimental surgery that was scheduled later that day. A doctor helps her understand why her husband behaved like he did – he was probably trying to drive her away from emotionally so she would not mourn his passing; it was his way of making things easier on her and himself; and it was a way to forget the sadness and pain of the situation. So if your loved one is unreasonable, don’t take it to heart – they are only struggling to cope with the disease and its repercussions.
- Plan for the future: It may sound callous, but if you’re not prepared in terms of wills and last testaments, you could have legal wrangles to deal with on top of all the emotional stress and sorrow as well. Make plans for the future of your children if you’re leaving them behind and get all your issues in order before death catches up with your loved one.
- Seek professional help if you need to: If you don’t have an outlet for your feelings and emotions, you’re going to end up affecting your health as well. So seek the support of your family and friends, and if necessary, talk to a professional therapist too. They will help you come to terms with your grief and agony.
Jessica Martin has contributed this guest post, she writes on the topic of x-ray tech schools . She welcomes your comments at her email address: email@example.com
Saturday, November 14, 2009
As another oncology appointment approaches the thought is in the back of my mind. The odds are in my favor for being cancer free, but there is always that what if?
Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty show. Listen live Monday-Friday eastern standard time on wmktthetalkstation.com.
Check out my show The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Everything happens for a reason. Or so I am told. That is a hard pill to swallow when your hair falls out and you feel like shit from a treatment that is supposed to make you better.
But you know what, I have to say I believe it.
Cancer has taken some things, but has given me more than I care to admit. I eat healthier than I probably would have if I didn't have it, I work out more, well, I am a bit of a gym rat lately, just getting back in to hockey playing shape, I enjoy my friends my family and well, life in general.
I love my job as co-host/producer/partner in crime on The Vic McCarty show, a job I got because of cancer.
I have to say that I have had a great attitude during all of this, I think if we all picture cancer looking like this:
it would be a hell of a lot less scarier.
Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern standard time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my new show The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand
Friday, October 23, 2009
I am not much into fashion. If you know me you know that, usually you will see me in jeans and a t-shirt, probably of a sports team (Red Wings, LA Kings, Red Sox, Tigers, U of M football, you get the drift) I have been thinking about what to post, since my last blog was a repost from when I was deep in treatment, so I thought I would write something new.
The picture above is from when I got my hair colored at Trillium Salon. I was going to another salon in town, (god, from me that sounds so pretentious doesn't it?) but I met the owner Ruthi at a local event in June. Ruthi is a cancer survivor like me. She survived breast cancer and created a program called Beautiful Survivor at her salon. Patients and survivors of any kind of cancer can come to Trillium and get manicures, pedicures, a massage hair cut and color & wigs, all free of charge.
Cancer and chemo changes everything about you. The way you look, the way you feel, everything. Its not something you can explain to anyone who hasn't gone through it. To the outsider, to your friends, you look the same, act the same, but you are not. You want to get back to some kind of normalcy, if that is at all possible, try to get back to the normalcy you had before. Like your hair for example, like I said before, I am not much into fashion, you wont see me try out the latest 'do from Hollywood, but losing your hair and having it grow back grey reminded me of what I went through every day. Believe me I am grateful for my health and the fact that my cancer was caught early, and I am not vain at all, but my hair growing back in was a reminder of cancer, chemo, feeling fatigued, feeling crappy and all the things associated with cancer and the napalm that was injected into my veins to save my life. Thank goodness for Ruthi. Not only did I get an awesome massage, I got my hair colored, which honestly, I didn't think would make a difference. I felt and looked alot like my old self. My friends could tell the difference, my co workers could tell the difference, and my fiance could tell the difference.
Who would have thought that a little color could change your perspective? Not me. I guess I was wrong.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I guess people like what they are reading. Funny, when I started this blog it was for cathartic purposes. Having cancer is hard, the treatments are sometimes worse than the disease, and survivorship is the hardest of all. I needed an outlet to vent how I felt and just talking about it wasn't helping, I mean therapy is very helpful for me, but usually when you are really upset it is not during therapy times, it is usually sometimes late at night when you are going through those times where you feel really sad and dark. That is why I started blogging.
I am glad that what I write helps people. That is very rewarding.
Here is the link to the blog.com website:
Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern standard time on www.wmktthetalkstation.com.
Monday, October 5, 2009
I originally posted this blog on StupidCancer.com, a while back, and since it is breast cancer awareness month I thought I would dust it off and repost.
I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Breast Cancer in September of 2007, a couple of weeks shy of my 38th birthday. Of course I was in the usual shock and state of panic that everyone goes through at such as emotional time but I also had the unfortunate luck of being diagnosed right before Breast Cancer Awareness month in October. So not only did I celebrate my birthday with this news I had to see that damn pink ribbon everywhere.
Now you think I am exaggerating when I mean everywhere, but there it was like a cloud of dirt around pig pen, following me everywhere. "Hey want to go to the store?" my boyfriend asks, "Sure I say" shopping always makes me feel better, but no can't escape that ribbon. Its on shampoo, soft drinks, keychains, yogurt, milk, golf balls soda cans and kitty litter, yes I said kitty litter, so everytime my cat Rocky makes a deposit in his box a portion of the proceeds will go to the breast cancer charity of your choice right??!!! I could not escape it.
TV, I will watch TV, but NO!! Every station seemed to have one of those "very special episodes" with the disease of the week being cancer. Even those Desperate Housewives had one of their own go through breast cancer. While I am sure most of America felt her pain, at the end of the day Felicity Huffman, the actress who played the character with cancer, could remove her scarf, take off the make up that made her look sick and hop in her car and drive off of the lot and go home, far away from cancer. I am sure she probably did what most actors do in these situations, when they find out that their character will be diagnosed with some disease she probably spent time in a cancer ward "researching" what its like. No offense Felicity, but a few days researching is nothing like actually going through it. (Sorry if I offend you Ms. Huffman, but your character was the reason I stopped watching your show last year, I watch TV to escape reality not be smacked over the head with it.)
And don't even get me started on Lifetime, television for women. I think I deleted that off of my cable box last year, and it was one of the main reasons why I had to start taking xanax. Sorry but I really don't want to know why you wore lipstick to your mastectomy, and aren't there rules in the hospital about wearing makeup? I couldn't even keep my earrings in and they let you wear makeup?
Its been a year now and I am over my frustration and disgust with the pink ribbon. I have actually come to embrace it. In January of next year I will be getting a tattoo of the ribbon on my back to commemorate my battle. Am I a hypocrite? I don't think so. I have just grown that's all. But take my advice. If you are going to get breast cancer, get it in the summer, far away from those "very special episodes" kitty litter pink ribbon special offers.Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Friday, October 2, 2009
October is breast cancer awareness month. Body+ Soul Magazine did an article about the help that is out there for breast cancer survivors. I am pretty honored to be in this magazine. When I was interviewed by the reporter Bethany Kandel I had no idea that it was for a magazine of this caliber (the magazines I read are sports illustrated, entertainment weekly, bicycling, womens health) mostly sports, fitness or entertainment magazines. After I was interviewed I googled Body +Soul and found out it was part of the Martha Stewart Corporation. I was stoked to say the least. Most importantly breast cancer survivors, or any cancer survivors for that matter will be able to get info on help they can get when dealing with this disease. I am adding a link to the reporters website which will take you to the article link. In case it doesn't work click on articles. The title of the article is someone to lean on. http://bethanykandel.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/someone-to-lean-on-by-bethany-kandel-body-soul-a-martha-stewart-publication-october-2009.pdf
There is always help out there, talk to your doctor or oncologist, and there is help on the internet. If you are a cancer survivor reading this for the first time welcome to the club no one wants to be a part of and remember you are not alone.
Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Thursday, September 17, 2009
There are some of times that I wonder why me? Why did I get this disease? Why did I have to go through all the chemo, radiation,surgery, hair loss, depression, sadness, anger, bullshit of this, having large amounts of medical bills to pay, which I will probably be paying off way until I am in my 60s, explaining to people what happened, having over 10 doctor appointments in a month, waiting sometimes at least a half hour for those doctors (which kind of drives me crazy but that could be a whole other blog) chemo brain, having my hair turn grey,having my skin feel scaly, having no appetite,insomnia, being so freaking tired I could sleep where I stand (I am sure they wouldn't appreciate that at the local grocery store or walmart) not being able to play hockey for 2 years.
Now most of you who know me and have read this blog know that I have kept a pretty positive attitude through all this, but some days it was impossible to do that.
2 years, 24 months, 730 Days. That is a long ass time. I have been through a lot in that time. More than some survivors I know, also less than some survivors I know. Some people have called me brave and courageous, I disagree with that. I just did what I had to do. I have read many other survivors opinions on this, some get angry when people call them brave or courageous, that what other choice did they have? I had one friend who didn't make that choice, who decided to wait until it was way too late, I blogged about him before, what would those people say about him, that he wasn't brave or courageous, that because he was uninsured he waited and now he is gone. I am not going into a discussion of the health care debate. My opinion is this go to the doctor, get a physical, if you need further treatment for cancer or some other disease, get it, they can't turn you down, its better to be alive and broke than dead.
One friend of mine told me I am a lot more pleasant to be around since my diagnosis, I asked him what he meant and he said I don't get as upset as I used to. That is the truth for sure, but I thank the medication I am on for that mostly, but I guess cancer has something to do with that as well, I fly off the handle less.
Cancer has given me a voice, strength I never knew I had, and ability to advocate and help people. It has made me a different person, sometimes better, sometimes not.
Has it made me a better person? I don't know.
I do know this, I am grateful to be here.
Mel is the producer of the Vic McCarty show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern standard time on www.wmktthetalkstation.com
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Imagine this scenario: a robber comes up to you and says "your money or your life??" Which would you choose? Of course you would give the robber your wallet and hope that he will go away. Now imagine this: robber says your money or your life, and says to you, if you keep your money I will kill you at some point in time, but not right now, you wont know where and wont know when.
What would you do?
This kind of situation happened to a friend of mine. My friend went to the doctor a few years ago and through a scan they found a spot on one of his organs. He was told that he needed to watch it, go in for follow ups and scans every few months. But he didn't. He didn't have health insurance. So he didn't follow up, and now he's gone. He was well loved by friends and family,his funeral was filled with to capacity, standing room only. All those people, loved my friend and miss him dearly, as do I.
We could have had a fundraiser for him if we had known.
Now its too late.
Not having money is not an excuse.
Not having health insurance is not an excuse.
Hospitals and doctors will treat you, I think it is the law.
I have said it before I would rather be broke than dead.
Now I ask you the question again:
YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE???
Mel is the producer of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern standard time on www.wmktthetalkstation.com
Friday, August 28, 2009
Why can’t cancer come with a manual? Maybe it does and someone just lost it, like that guy in the tv show from the eighties “The Greatest American Hero.” If you don’t remember the show it is about a guy who gets a superman type suit from a ufo (yes you read that right) and lost the manual to the suit, left it in the desert.
Things sure would be easier if I had a manual. I recall one person, who I haven’t seen in a while, commented on how good I looked, if I working out, nope, cancer is the best diet ever I exclaimed! I wonder if that would be in the book. The manual would have chapters on nausea, fatigue, although most of us would be too sleepy to read it, chemo brain, that one I would probably have to read over and over again, forgetting that I had already read it. Chapters on baldness, what to eat, what not to eat, and just dealing with life after cancer, that is the hardest part for me, that everyone expects you to be exactly the same, and on the outside you may look the same but you feel completely different. Cancer Sucks.
So if you are out somewhere and you find the manual, make me a copy, ok?
Mel is the producer of the Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday thru Friday 10am-noon eastern on www.wmktthetalkstation.com
Saturday, August 22, 2009
This is a picture of me doing a trapeze experience at a local resort that I used to work for. They have had the trapeze up every summer since I started working there in 2005. I never really thought about doing it until I had cancer. The resort allows the local media to try it for free then talk about it on the air, (how freakin cool is that really? get paid to talk about fun experiences that you do for free!!)
Last year two of my co-workers from the radio station tried the trapeze. I was still working at the resort at the time, and at the radio station. I was jealous that they were able to do it and I was not, I still had my port in and you are not supposed to do any contact sport when you have it in, yes it actually says that in the manual!!! I was not able to see how they did, but it looked like fun, and I vowed to myself I would do it this year.
When the time came I contacted person in charge of the trapeze and told him I wanted to do it, he set up a time and I went home excitedly and told my fiance that I was going to do it. The look on his face was what? really? why the hell would you want to do that?
I don't have a death wish, I don't want to climb mountains or do extreme sports (unless you consider hockey an extreme sport) I am not one of those people who wants to do something "just because it is there."
I had seen other people do the trapeze and I saw it was safe, you are harnessed in, there was a net underneath, and sure I had to sign the in event of death you do not hold us responsible waiver, in case of emergency contact, insurance info blah blah blah, ironically enough most of the same kind of paperwork you sign when you have major surgery. So after that was all taken care we stretched and got some instruction and were good to go.
The climb up the ladder wasn't so bad, and I am not afraid of heights, but I did forget one thing before I even decided to do this. I get motion sickness real easy, I usually have to sit in the front seat of a car or else I will be nauseous. You would have thought I would have remembered this little gem of information, but no I think the excitement of doing the trapeze made me totally forget about that.
The trick they have you do is stand all the way out on the platform with your toes on the edge, grab the bar with one hand,push your stomach out, grab the bar with your other hand and then on their signal jump off the platform then try, while moving, put your knees on the bar so you are hanging on it upside down.
They said it was about momentum, not about upper body strength. Ya right, is that why my upper body feels sore today? I had 3 tries, was able to do it on the last one before the motion sickness took control and I had to stop.
Would I do it again? Probably, after a couple of months of serious upper body and core workouts and a lot of dramamine.
Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Recently I had a routine follow up appointment to the Oncologist. I equate these checkups to getting your car looked at, just change the oil, look under the hood, you know that kind of thing. It was my second appointment since finishing up herceptin and getting my port surgically removed. As a cancer survivor there is always that thought in the back of your mind that yes it could come back, but you go through your days and weeks keeping that thought at bay, filling time with the regular routine of life. Back to the appointment, after a blood draw that afternoon and an exam the news was good, see you in six months. Gotta love those kind of appointments.
I just got a book in the mail called "Your Brain After Chemo." I got it because the publisher saw my blog and wanted me to talk about it here, I just started reading it and the author and I have a similar cancer background. I told the publisher I will have them on the Vic McCarty show, I gather that the cancer survivors who listen to the show have what is commonly referred to as ChemoBrain. I have blogged about this quite often, because it is the most annoying side effect that I have. I usually have a great memory, but chemo brain takes away from that, it is like trying to find a file on your computer, you know its there, you can see it on the desktop, but cannot access it, or you forget where you put things, you see things like that. I know this book will have some good tips on helping me with my memory. Some days are better than others. Some days it doesn't bother me at all, other days I struggle to find the simplest thing that I should know (I am a trivia hound, I have more useless info stored in my head than most people.)
I know as I read more it will give me more insight and tips. Why am hoping that this will help?
Because when I went shopping the other day I was putting the groceries away and later found I put the ziploc bags in the fridge. I am glad I didn't put the fish we bought for dinner in the cupboard.
Mel is the Producer of The Vic McCarty show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Cancer can consume you if you let it, taking over your thoughts and everything around you. That is giving it power. Writing about it, capitalizing the actual word cancer in my mind gives it power. Don't get me wrong, I obviously know the hold this disease can have over you, your friends, your family. Some days I used to feel that I would go into work and try to hide being upset and think that my co workers would think "oh there is cancer girl", upset at (fill in the blank.) Some days I would feel like I would want to crawl inside myself and hide, like no one else in the world could possibly feel like I did. Talking to other survivors I know that is not the case, but to me that is what it felt like.
A good friend of mine and 4 time cancer survivor said that a positive mental attitude can go a long way. I agree. Keeping a good sense of humor during a difficult time like battling a disease can be hard, especially when there are bills to pay, side effects to deal with, friends and family not knowing what to say or what to do to help, and just dealing with, well, life in general. I was able to keep my sense of humor during recovery from surgery, chemo, radiation, and now just survivorship in general.
Find your bliss, find what makes you happy in difficult times. Don't give cancer power over you.
Mel is the producer of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live at 10am-noon eastern Monday-Friday on www.wmktthetalkstation.com.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
We were wrapping up when the fatigue hit me. I don't usually get tired easily anymore but this sneaks up on me, kind of like that annoying uncle at your family bbq who comes up behind you and hugs you and knocks the wind right out of you. That is one of my side effects if I push myself, and sometimes I don't even think I am pushing myself until that happens, like uh uh, nope sorry, you are having too much fun, and you are feeling too much like yourself, so WHAM, there you go. The only way to counteract that is to lay down or nap. So no after party for me.
After leaving I went home to lay down. When the fatigue happens and I lay down, it is like my body is saying ahhh ok now lets try to relax, but relax to me and relax to my body are apparently two different things. I picture relaxing as just laying in bed and listening to some good relaxing music, like George Winston or Vivaldi, my body decides to let me know just how much I pushed it today, but making it feel like almost every nerve ending is awake and alive. Not easy to relax at that point, but eventually this ceases and I am able to nap.
The last little constant reminder is neuropathy. The Mayo clinic.com defines it as "Peripheral neuropathy, in its most common form, causes pain and numbness in your hands and feet. The pain typically is described as tingling or burning, while the loss of sensation often is compared to the feeling of wearing a thin stocking or glove." (Ironically I got this little side effect AFTER I was done with chemo, yeah, ha ha good one...)
Yeah that is what I have, I used to have it only on my right side in my hand and my leg. I don't have it in my hand anymore, but I still have it in my foot, it does feel like a tingling sock. It used to run up my leg and hurt, but now it just tingles and my foot occasionally goes numb, it doesn't hurt and it usually doesn't stop me from doing things, although I decided to opt out of a 5k that my friend and I were going to do in a couple of months, that and the fact I had no time to train were my deciding factors.
Tonight I will go to bed and lay there and as I drift off to sleep my right foot will tingle and be my little constant reminder of what I have been through.
I know I am lucky, if I miss a party or two because of this then that is ok, yes it is frustrating, but I can wake up in the morning and know every day I am getting back to "normal" or at least the new normal that all of us cancer survivors understand.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
1. Shock and disbelief Well duh, when I was diagnosed I was in shock, who wouldn’t be? I was in the best physical shape I ever was in my life, found a lump and never even thought cancer. Nothing like calling the doctor for your test results and my doc asking how soon I could get to the office? I was pretty sure it wasn’t for anything good, like hey our receptionist Carla just brought in some extra brownies that she made for her daughters bake sale, would you like some, and we can go over your test results! No, they save the bad news for the office, not on the phone, so you enjoy that long car ride, knowing full well what the news was when you got there. Even the doctor who did my biopsy was surprised, he said that he had been doing biopsys for 20 years and only 5 patients diagnosis surprised him. “Never tell me the odds” I thought to myself, quoting one of my favorite characters Han Solo.
2. Denial Ok we all had those holy shit I can’t believe this is happening to me moments after diagnosis, but once you are fully steeped within everything it is hard to be in denial. It was difficult to deny I had cancer when I had a drain safety pinned to my shirt after surgery and I slept on the couch for a week because it was the only place I was comfortable sleeping. I couldn’t deny I had cancer when the chemo treatments made all of my hair fall out, made my pee turn red, and I was constipated for a week. How could I be in denial? I was too damn tired to be in denial (yep fatigue from the chemo)
3. Anger I had a lot of pent up anger anyway, from not being able to play hockey, so the fact that I now had cancer just added a cherry on top of the anger sundae. Dealing with surgery, chemo, radiation, baldness, fatigue, co workers, family, friends, and just myself in general made me pretty angry. I would get angry for no reason at all, I am sure we, being survivors have all experienced this. Being out of toothpaste would just sometimes bring me into a fit of rage. I would get angry just for having cancer, to have to deal with all of this. Thank goodness for prescription medication.
4. Bargaining Maybe if I swear less, call my Mom more and be a better person in general I wont have cancer, do you hear me God? I tried to make promises, but I still had cancer. Bargaining doesn’t work and it doesn’t make you feel any better, I think I bargained for about a week, and gave up.
5. Guilt I don’t get this one. Why would you feel guilty if you have cancer? Its not your fault
6. Depression Yeah I got depressed, who wouldn’t? I had cancer, and I was trying to figure out the “new normal.” A whole year of my life would be dedicated to treatments, that’s a long ass time. Once again thank goodness for prescription medication.
7. Acceptance I finally accepted the fact that all of this crap happened to me, and I think I am a better person because of it. Would I have liked to become a better person with out cancer? Well hell yeah, that is a freakin no brainer.
Mel is the producer of the Vic McCarty show on www.wmktthetalkstation.com Monday through Friday 10am-Noon eastern standard time.