Thursday, February 17, 2011
Getting back on track
I am used to waiting for other people, but not for myself.
I am used to going all out all the time. When I had two jobs I would start my day at 5am as a server finish up around noon or 2pm, get to the radio station, do some voice tracking, go to the gym, then maybe head back to the radio station to work on a Tigers or a Red Wings game. A 5am-10pm day. I would do this about 2 or 3 times a week.
I am 3 years into my survivorship, and I am still waiting to be able to get back to that level of energy. Don't get me wrong, I do have energy. I still get up early, my work day ends around noon -2pm. I do pilates twice a week, its winter so I play hockey, but I am still not back to what I was before. I have to nap during the day to be able to do what I need to do.
Its hard waiting for me. Its harder not knowing if I will ever get back to where I was before.
I am close.
But not quite there.
This is one of the things they don't tell you about when you have cancer.
This is just one of the many charming aspects of survivorship that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Just one of the many thoughts that go through my head wondering when I will be back to me, or as close to it as I possibly can be with everything that I have been through.
There are some friends of mine that I haven't seen since I moved from California. Since I was diagnosed. Since I had cancer.
Sometimes I wonder how much I have changed and if they will even recognize me. The Me that they knew.
Its a scary thought to think that they wont.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said "All things come round to him who will but wait."
I hope he was right.
Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.