Thursday, February 17, 2011

Getting back on track

As a cancer survivor I am used to the waiting game.  Waiting for doc appointments, waiting for results from scans.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  I wonder how much of my cancer experience I have spent waiting.  Probably over half of it.

I am used to waiting for other people, but not for myself.

I am used to going all out all the time.  When I had two jobs I would start my day at 5am as a server finish up  around noon or 2pm, get to the radio station, do some voice tracking, go to the gym, then maybe head back to the radio station to work on a Tigers or a Red Wings game. A 5am-10pm day.  I would do this about 2 or 3 times a week.

I am 3 years into my survivorship, and I am still waiting to be able to get back to that level of energy.  Don't get me wrong, I do have energy.  I still get up early, my work day ends around noon -2pm.  I do pilates twice a week, its winter so I play hockey, but I am still not back to what I was before.  I have to nap during the day to be able to do what I need to do.

Its hard waiting for me.  Its harder not knowing if I will ever get back to where I was before.

I am close.

But not quite there.

This is one of the things they don't tell you about when you have cancer.

This is just one of the many charming aspects of survivorship that I have to deal with on a daily basis.  Just one of the many thoughts that go through my head wondering when I will be back to me, or as close to it as I possibly can be with everything that I have been through.

There are some friends of mine that I haven't seen since I moved from California.  Since I was diagnosed.  Since I had cancer.

Sometimes I wonder how much I have changed and if they will even recognize me.  The Me that they knew.

Its a scary thought to think that they wont.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said "All things come round to him who will but wait."

I hope he was right. 

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Available on demand and also available on Itunes.


  1. You guys really know how to write a blog! This was extremely helpful. Thank you vey much.

  2. My last treatment was in November of 2010. My hair is coming back, my scars are healing, but the energy is still not back. I work out and swim twice a week. Others think I'm back...but I know I have a long way to go. Helps me to know that I'm not alone in this battle

  3. I noticed your blog while surfing for other cancer blogs.

    My girl T goes in for surgery on March 2nd (4 days from now) sooooo scared. I worked in a cancer lab for 10 years and know enough to make me crazy scared.

    She's tough...but the chemo and crazy side effects like neuropathy have taken their toll. Trying to stay strong for her, but starting to break, if you know what I mean.

    Her Cancer had already spread to liver and lungs and lymph nodes, but have all disapeared with chemo except for the lump in the breast and lymph nodes under one arm. Surgery and radiation for those to come


    PS - Will you help me get 1 mil. Twitter Followers before March 18th? (T's 45th birthday) Our Twitter Profile is at .

    If you want you can read my blog at'd actually love to hear any comments you might have.

  4. To everyone who reads this post. You are never alone.