Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Marble

I came across this post on a facebook page recently Amazing women rock stays sane: 1) All of the time.  2) Most of the time. 3) Some of the Time 4) Hardly ever 5)  Is nuttier than a fruitcake.  Then the page went on to link to a page that had 37 quick tips to maintain your sanity.


Nuttier than a fruitcake??  I responded to the author of the post and told them I was offended by that particular comment.  She responded with a link to her blog (of which I am not going to link here, you can go to the fb page I mentioned and find the post) post titled Here's To Being a Crazy One: A Misfit, A Rebel, And A Round Peg In A Square Hole 
Last time I checked being a rebel, an outsider, being your own person, not conforming to what everyone else does doesn't make you crazy.  If that was the case no one would have wanted to emulate this guy:

I get offended by the word crazy, or nuttier than a fruitcake or lost your marbles or  fill in the blank with another term.

As many of my readers know I battle depression, some days are good some days are bad.

Let me explain to you, what its like for me.  Imagine a jar.  Now put a marble in that jar.  The marble is me.  Now fill that jar with sand.  The sand is depression, whether that be thoughts, moods, feelings etc.  Try to find that marble in the jar.  Its going to be pretty hard to do. 

That's in the simplest terms what it feels like.  Trying to make sense of thoughts and emotions.  Try to find that marble.  Its hard.  The marble gets lost in the sand.   Simple analogy right?

Its hard to be trapped that way, trapped in your own head, knowing that it doesn't make any sense to feel the way you feel, and it can be crippling.

There was a time a few months ago that I was so depressed I did just the bare minimum at work, could barely even function, but no one knew.  I am a good actor when it comes to that.  All I wanted to do was go home and curl up in a ball and sleep.

But life happens and I am not Rip Van Winkle, I can't go to sleep and then wake up years later and have everything be all better.  Life is not some fairy tale.  Sometimes its just hard, cold reality

Days are getting better, exercise is helping me, pilates is helping me.  Blogging is helping me.  I still maintain a positive mental attitude.You may think that is impossible if you are depressed, but you can be happy if you are depressed, a guest on The Vic McCarty Show, Therese Borchard said that (here is her link)  It makes total sense to me, not something I can explain if you haven't fought the same battles I have fought.

I take meds every day to deal with depression, called Effexor it is a serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs). It works by increasing the amounts of serotonin and norepinephrine, natural substances in the brain that help maintain mental balance.

Maintain mental balance, yeah, or for me just trying to find the marble in the sand.

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen Live 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on Demand now and also available on Itunes.

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