Thursday, May 5, 2011

Resident Evil




Last blogpost was about my friend Sarah aka The Carcinista's decision to stop treatment and live out the rest of her life on her terms.  I recorded a podcast with Sarah on Wednesday April 27.  Podcast went on Empower Radio 2 days later.  On Tuesday May 3rd I had learned that she had passed away.  Now they gave her a month (from what exact day I am not sure that was given, found out about it when I looked at facebook on my iphone, I am finding out more shitty information about my survivor friends that way.)

Of course I cried.  I was totally stunned and blown away.  How could this be?  Less than a week...  

I was beside myself with grief.

I still am.

I actually thought about giving up my advocacy.  I didn't share that with anyone.  It was a thought that went through my head.  Why am I doing this if my friends keep dying?  How can what I do make any kind of difference?

Then I saw a post my my facebook wall from Angella Hamilton.  I had called her after I had found out Sarah had passed and left a tear filled message on her voicemail. 

This is the post Angella had left me:  

"I want to tell you that what you do makes a difference. I know there are days when it gets rough- but your podcast with Sarah, and every cancer Survivor for that matter - makes an impact on people's lives and you should feel good about that."

So with those words in front of me I had several thoughts surrounding me.  I could run and hide and shut myself off from the world which is what I really felt like doing.

Or I could still be sad, pissed off, and stay in the fight.
I guess you figured out which one I chose.


Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.
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4 comments:

  1. BreastCancerSisterhood.comMay 5, 2011 at 3:45 PM

    Mel,
    Regardless of whether we run or fight, cancer is evil, and it needs us to keep challenging ourselves and one another. You do that so well. I, too, am angry and pissed off that it took one of our best warriors. Fighting is in our DNA, and we will continue to fight and honor wonderful women like Sarah.

    Gloves up my friend,
    Brenda

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Cancer AssassinMay 6, 2011 at 12:23 AM

    I am glad you chose to stay because I love what you do and it helps me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. BirdieMay 6, 2011 at 3:15 AM

    It is late here in Canada and I am going through blogs, trying to come to terms with he fact that as of Wednesday my mom is officially palliative. She turned 65 Thursday, May 5. (What a great gift, eh?) She was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer at 58. I sat and watched the minutes tick down to May 6 tonight, like one counts down to a New Year but I was counting down her last birthday on this planet.
    I feel rotten to the core when I hear stories like Sarah as I have had my mom until now (I am 40.) However, I feel like I am 3 years old and this whole thing feels so out of control and desperately scary. I hate this disease. I hate how it rips families apart. I hate how this disease took bits of Sarah away from her boys and husband before she actually left this earth. (Or I guess the chemo is responsible for that.)
    Anyway, my point is we need YOU out there to be a voice for so many. It has a purpose. It has a huge purpose. I am glad you made the decision to fight.

    ReplyDelete
  4. asterhealthsourceMay 8, 2011 at 10:33 PM

    I like your blog post..I just want to record this podcast very soon..This is great story..Thnaks for posting and sharing this story.
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    ReplyDelete

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