In Retrospect

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

Never really sure what that song meant... Should we forget about the past and not think about it? Or never forget it. Not really sure.

2012 has been an interesting year for me.  

One of great happiness, as well as great sadness.

I celebrated my 5 year anniversary of being cancer free.

And I also lost some good friends along the way.

People like me, who have faced their own mortality, realize how precious life is.

How important it is not to waste even a second of it.

If you are full of hate you miss out on joy

If you are angry you won't be happy.

If you worry  you won't have hope.

You never know when the last time you will see someone will be.

One of my friends passed away this year suddenly from a stroke.

She was one of the greatest people I have ever known.

I still remember the last time I saw her, it was like any other day.

I watched her walk away with her coffee as I was continuing my job,

I had no idea it would be the last time I saw her.

Tell those important to you that you love them.

Know that everyone who comes into your life is there for a reason.

Enjoy every day.  

Drink in the sheer awesomeness that is life, and this earth.

Life is precious.

Enjoy every second of it.

There are 31,536,000 seconds in a year.

 Don't waste any of them.

I'll leave you and 2012 with this quote from John Hughes, from the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off:

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com.  Available on demand, on Itunes and on the Podcasts app on your iphone

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

Today Lance Armstrong stepped down as chairman of Livestrong. I am deeply saddened by this.  He did so so Livestrong wouldn't be put in the middle of the USADA's allegations of Lance doping during 1999-2005. 

Nike, Radio Shack and Anheuser-Busch dropped their endorsement deals with Armstrong.

 Nike dropped  their endorsement deal because of "seemingly insurmountable evidence"

Controversy over doping.

Does it seem impossible that one man is telling the truth and many others are not?

It happens.

Does it seem impossible that one man can win 7 Tour De France without doping?

It happened

It used to be that a handshake and someone's word were all that you needed.

Isn't it innocent until proven guilty?

 Not guilty until proven innocent.

Let me tell you something about cancer survivors, at least my experience.

There are times during treatment when you think you will always feel sick

That you will never be well again

That you will never regain the ability to do what you used to do

That you will never, essentially be you again.

When you finally realize how far you have come you want to live life to the fullest, grab the brass ring, run that marathon that you never thought you would, skate harder and faster than you have, ride a bike faster because you know the value of today, and know there may not be a tomorrow.

I am not a professional athlete.  I play hockey in an adult amateur league and participate in runs like the Warrior dash. 

I have never won a professional sporting event, like the Tour, nor will I ever.

But I do know this:

If you are a cancer survivor once you get that exhilaration, that taste of life, that winning feeling, you want it to continue.

So what do you do if you are Lance Armstrong?

Win the Tour 6 more times.

Some people will say I am just supporting Lance because I am a cancer survivor.

That may be true, although I read his book It's Not About The Bike before I was diagnosed, I have never been a Livestrong Leader, participated in any Livestrong events, nor have been to the Livestrong headquarters in Austin.

I am a cynic yes, but I do believe the value of a man's word.  My Dad taught me that. 

So while your sponsors like Nike and Radio Shack may have left you,Lance, I, like many other survivors stand behind you.

Nike dropping sponsorship makes no sense to me, while they drop Lance, they re sign Michael Vick after his dogfighting charge and jailtime.

Doesn't make sense. 

Michael Vick was convicted.

There are just allegations against Lance Armstrong.

I guess some people and organizations get scared when a scandal hits close to home.

I don't back away from the people who have helped me, even if they don't realize they have. 

Backing people who have helped you even though they may not realize they have. 

Its the right thing to do.

Just Do It.

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com
Also available on Itunes and on the podcasts app on the iphone

Looks can be deceiving

If you stopped by my house and saw this winter hat, you would think nothing of it.  I live in a cold climate, something anyone would wear during the winter. 

But this hat means a lot to me.

Cap
Chapeau
Toque
Hat

There are many names for it.

But this particular one is important.

I wore this when I lost my hair during chemo.

I knew when I got my head shaved I would probably be cold.  I usually have long hair and not having any well that was an abrupt change.  When I thought about what hat I should get to wear during the winter, to treatment, at home and when I slept I knew I wanted this one.

Under Armour.

I know its a good brand because I wear it when I play hockey.  I think I started wearing it before it was the normal thing to do, wear a dry wick material shirt under gear.  Bought my first shirt in El Segundo, California, where the Kings train, back when it was called HealthSouth, now its the Toyota Sport Center.

I wore the hat because it not only covered my head, but it reminded me I would get stronger.

Its funny what we cling onto when we go through something like cancer.  I imagine other people have trinkets and lucky stuffed animals that they cherish, that to other people look like a knick knack on a shelf, or just another stuffed bear.

But to survivors, these things can mean the world.

To me its a reminder of where I have been, and how far I have come.

Are you wondering do I still have my cap?

Damn right I do.

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com
Also available on Itunes and on the podcasts app on the iphone

So You Have Cancer: 10 Things to Do Now, Even if You're Not Warren Buffett

 Another guest blogger, enjoy

Article originally printed in the Huffington Post.  Reprinted with permission.

Cancer is all over the news lately, thanks to early detection, celebrity patients, and those ubiquitous "Hey Cancer" ads. Though medical breakthroughs may be in the offing, the Big C still packs a psycho/spiritual wallop for the newly initiated, no matter what effective tax rate you pay. Here are 10 ways to beat back the cancer blues and be your own best friend:

1) Blame Canada -- Or Philip Morris. Or your stress-Nazi boss. Just don't blame yourself. Because even if it is your fault, right now it's not your fault. Nothing about cancer is your fault. Give yourself the Robin-Williams-in-Good-Will-Hunting Hug because it's not your fault. Once you're all better you can get down on yourself for smoking, or eating poorly, or internalizing your parent's guilt trips. For now, stay focused on getting better.

2) Divide and Conquer -- Learn survivor math. Say the median survival rate of your cancer is five years. Does that mean you will be dead in five years? No, math-slackers, it does not. The median is not the same as the average. A median rate (which is how survival rates are measured) means half the people with your condition will die before the median, most likely people WAY older and WAY more decrepit than you. Are you old and decrepit? Because if you're not then you can live another 10 or 20 or 50 years, depending on your age, even if the median is only five years. I used to hate math too, till I got cancer. Now it's kind of awesome.

3) Take Your Google and Stick it Up Your iPad -- Don't be a masochist and try to "learn" about your cancer on the Internet. Every other post you read will make you feel like you're gonna die any minute. Remember, just because people before you have died of cancer, or even your type of cancer, does NOT mean you will too. So take that, Google founder Larry Page, who once built an inkjet printer out of Lego (it's fine to search for that kind of useless dreck).

4) Trip Out, Dude -- Look yourself in the mirror and say: "I have cancer." It's weird the first time, like saying "I'm tripping on LSD" (not that I would know) -- but it helps to get used to the idea while you're all alone. You have cancer, you can survive, and sooner than you think you'll be looking in the mirror again going, "I don't have cancer anymore." That'll be weird too, but the good kind of weird. The magic mushroom kind of weird (not that I would know).

5) Get Into the Closet -- Keep the lights off. You are now a medical imaging device trying to see inside the total darkness of a human body. Sometimes you see things that aren't really there, like the CAT scan that "saw" potentially fatal tumors on my liver, till a sonogram "saw" they were only harmless cysts on my kidney. Whoops... glad I didn't jump off a bridge that week. So remember: trust but verify.

6) Think About Sex -- I'm a man, so I can't even get through a top 10 list without thinking about sex at least once. If sex is on your mind during these trying times, remember it's perfectly ethical to sidle up to a good-looking girl or guy and say: "You know, I wouldn't ordinarily be so bold, but I have cancer, so I was wondering if we could get naked together." At least you're not lying. Lying is unethical.

7) Channel Judge Judy -- Will your doctor keep probing and testing you because she thinks you have something else, or God forbid, something worse? Probably. Is he also making sure he doesn't get sued for misdiagnosis? Hmm... never thought of that. Doctors work in the real world, my friend. Their job is to be thorough, for many reasons, so keep a running list of each horror they look for but don't find. Not so you can sue anyone. Just to remind you not to be afraid of anything until you're absolutely sure you have it. And even then, just repeat step 3.

8) Tell it to the Hand -- No one knows what the hell to say to someone waylaid by cancer (my best friend asked if I owed him money -- at least it made me laugh). Informing loved ones is a HUGE burden, and you've got enough on your plate as is. Email is a solid way to keep your peeps up to date, and tell them what you need -- namely, their well-timed support. Trust me, you don't want all your loved ones calling for news every time you go to the doctor. With a group email, they can feel connected to you and also give you some much-needed space.

9) Turn On Your High Beams -- E.L. Doctorow once said this about writing, but it's true for surviving cancer as well: "It's like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way." So each day, just focus on getting to tomorrow. That's the only "long-term" goal you need to be concerned with till you hit remission.

10) Count to 28 Million, Babe -- That's how many cancer survivors there are worldwide. And with a little luck, you'll be next. Number 28 million and one. Just like Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow over there at the bar. Wait, they broke up, didn't they? "You know, I wouldn't ordinarily be so bold but..."

 

Michael Solomon is an award-winning filmmaker and the author of "Now It's Funny... How I Survived Cancer, Divorce and Other Looming Disasters."

Defining moments

Tony Scott.

You may not know the name but you know the movies he has directed.

Top Gun

Beverly Hills Cop II

Crimson Tide

True Romance

The latter movie was one of my favorites.

Now you know who he is.

If you were a child of the eighties like me those films were probably your favorites.  Who didn't want to be Maverick?  Or Kelly McGillis for that matter.  Almost everyone I knew did.

Defining moments.

When I worked in Hollywood I realized that the shows I worked on made lasting impressions on people I have never met, I was a small piece of those lasting impressions.  Those defining moments can last a lifetime.

Tony Scott.

Jumped off of a bridge in San Pedro, CA yesterday afternoon.

He left behind a wife.

He left behind twin sons.

Eyewitnesses say he jumped without hesitation off the bridge and police found a note in his car and in his office.

Why?

All of Hollywood is asking that question.

Why would a man who seemingly had everything take his own life?

Early reports stated he had just found out he had inoperable brain cancer.

While it has been reported that it not the case there is still much speculation as to why someone with everything, someone who has built up an amazing reputation, has given so many people defining moments of their lives take his own life.

Mental Illness?

Could that have been it?

Depression?

It's entirely possible.  The more I read about Tony Scott the more I am finding out he was a lot like the characters in his movies, the larger then life daredevils everyone wanted to be.

That was his public persona.

One can never know the silent suffering of others, especially if they are looked up to, such as Tony Scott was.

Of course I am speculating, I never met him.  I was not in his head.

People who have never had any form of mental illness don't understand how you can't just "snap out of it"

It is like any disease.  You can't snap out of diabetes, heart disease or cancer.  It has to be treated, whether you seek professional help, medication or just talk to a friend.

Even worse, you may get so depressed that you feel like you are alone, and there is no one in the world who can help you.

How do I know this?

I have been there.

I have been so depressed that I thought I was fooling my  co-workers, family, and friends.

Truth is I was only fooling myself.

There were times I was so depressed that I felt I would never be able to dig myself out of that hole.

Depression is a disease but it can be treated.

And you can get help before its too late.


Tony Scott directed amazing movies that audiences will enjoy for years to come.

Unfortunately his defining moment may be that tragic leap he took off of the Vincent Thomas Bridge in San Pedro, CA

Rest in Peace Tony Scott.  As long as there are people like me working hard to destigmatize mental illness your legacy will not be forgotten.

Sometimes the scariest places are within the depths of our own heart, mind and soul...

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com.  Available on demand, on Itunes and on the Podcasts app on your iphone

Goodbye Nancy

I check facebook when I get home.  Tonight I got home late after a 14 hour day working my 2 jobs.  I saw the link from my friend Betsy De Parry.  Komen CEO Nancy Brinker to step down.

Wow.

It is late and I almost didn't want to make dinner before I wrote about this.

This is huge in the cancer world.


 I have written about Komen before in a prior blog post about what Susan Komen would say to her sister about the organization that was created in her name

Now Nancy stepped down.  The article says it was from backlash from Planned Parenthood funding, but I would like  to think it had to do with their pinkwashing of everything from cat treats to toilet paper.

There are many cancer survivors, including myself, who are sickened by seeing the pink ribbon on everything.  We don't need ribbons on Friskies, toilet paper or tennis balls.  We need cures, we need better treatments, we need better detection for the disease.

Somewhere Nancy Brinker lost her way.

The damage has been done, but nothing is irreparable.

We can fix this.

We have the technology.

Surely if JPL can send a rover to MARS our amazing cancer community can help the Komen Organization see the error of their ways.

Until then..

So long,
Farewell
Auf Widersehen
Au Revoir
Goodbye
Nancy.

Don't let the pink ribbon hit you on the ass on the way out....

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com.  Available on demand, on Itunes and on the Podcasts app on your iphone

Milestone

Five
Cinco
Cinq
Fem
пять.

Five.;  In any language it is just a unit of measurement.  Days, weeks, seconds, moments.

Five.

For cancer survivors its the magic number.  5 years= remission.

I just had my last oncology visit before my 5 years of being cancer free, which I will celebrate at Red Wings training camp (if there is no lockout)

It is a milestone.

It has been a while since I have written anything.  Over a month.  Not that I haven't had anything to say, just have been busy.

Living life.

Milestones

Hockey

LA Kings

Home ice.

You never forget home ice, the first place you skated, the first game you saw.

I learned to skate late in life, at Pickwick Ice in Burbank, CA, my California home ice..

Staples Center

where I saw my first hockey game. It was awesome

Now if you read my blog you know I am a big fan, and a lot of good things have come surrounding sports, particularly hockey.

The LA Kings, when I first started to get into hockey were in a constant rebuilding year ( starting in 1997)

I still stood behind them though, even though they were awful, when I couldn't get anyone to go with me, because they were so bad or no one was as big of a hockey fan as me.

Even when I moved to Michigan, LA was still "my team"  Yes, I do love the Red Wings, their 2007-2008 stanley cup winning season helped me immensely spiritually and emotionally,  but you never forget your first love.

Milestones

The Kings were a long shot to win the Stanley cup this year.  Came in 8th place out of 8 teams in the western conference.

No one would have thought they could win.

Not even me.

But they did.

First time an 8th seed beat the top 3 teams in the division, and beat the eastern conference champions the NJ Devils.

Watching the Captain Dustin Brown hoist the Stanley Cup at Staples was a surreal moment.

Some days I still can't believe the improbable run.

Some days I can't believe all the things I went through with this damn disease.

But here I am.

On my 5th year of being cancer free

The Kings win the cup.

That is a pretty awesome milestone.


Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com
Also available on Itunes and on the podcasts app on your iphone

All I wanna do

Recently I was reading about how Sheryl Crow told the public she had a brain tumor.  I was shocked and stunned.  I was (shockingly) not by a computer so I didn't know the full gist of the story, my heart sank, thinking she had a recurrance or a new cancer.

I searched online and read this article  about her brain tumor.  Fortunately it is benign.  Unfortunately it is causing memory loss.  The writer of this article joked: "Man, if we ever forgot any Sheryl Crow songs, we’re gonna to start freaking out. Doctors should start including “Crow forgetfulness” in the list of benign brain tumor symptoms. If you can’t at least get through the chorus of “My Favorite Mistake,” straight to the MRI machine you go!"


Ha freaking Ha...

It is one thing for a person with memory issues to make fun of themselves, its a whole other ballgame if someone else does it.

I have chemobrain, cognitive memory issues caused by the chemo I took because of my cancer.

It sucks.

Ok I know I am not a grammy winning songwriter with millions of fans, and while making light of Crow's situation may be funny for Halle Keifer (and for the record, I have no idea if she has ever had cancer or what her relationship with cancer is) it strikes a deep nerve with me.

It's hard knowing what you want to say without being able to say it.  To visualize an object or place in your mind when you are wanting it, say a pen or want someone to get something out of, for example, the kitchen.

When I meet people I don't know, which I often do, I hope I don't forget the name of my friend with me, which has happened on occasion.

Or if the grocery store clerk asks if you want paper or plastic and you stare at her blankly, knowing the answer but not being able to verbalize it.

Or being on a live radio show, trying to explain something to the host on air only to speak in either gibberish or fight for the right thought.

My friends understand, its one of those side effects that I have, they know if they ask me a question and it takes me a minute its not because I am slow, or stupid.

It is chemobrain.

It sucks.

It isn't funny.

Try to remember that, Halle Keifer, next time you write an article about someone with a serious condition.

I may not recall everything Halle, but I will remember YOUR name...



Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com
Also available on Itunes.

Just Breathe

I can't believe its been so long since I have written a blog.  I guess I have been busy with work and life and stuff.

One of the things that I was busy with was going to Washington, D.C. to moderate a panel about social media and cancer survivorship.  Most of my friends said that was perfect for me.  I am on facebook and twitter talking to many of my survivor friends, and finding new and interesting guest for my show.

The group that I went to speak to were lung cancer survivors.  I always thought well survivors are survivors, we all deal with the same issues.

While that is true for the most part, there are lots of things I had no idea other survivors had to deal with.

The one story  that stuck with me was of one survivor who told us of how it took almost 9 hours to climb the stairs because she forgot her ipod upstairs soon after her surgery.

Another lung cancer survivor rides hundreds of miles a week on his recumbent bike. (and I barely get in a 10 mile ride a week!!)

Most of the lung cancer survivors at this summit were non smokers.

Lung cancer carries a stigma.  Most people think because you smoke you deserve cancer.

No one deserves cancer.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  It has to suck to be asked "Well you must have smoked."

Like that should matter.

Cancer survivors don't take anything for granted.  That is one thing that we all have in common.

Next time you are outside take in a deep breath of the summer air.

Some people don't have that luxury.

Lung cancer is the #1 killer over breast cancer and heart disease, yet it is the most underfunded.

What are you going to do about that?


Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com
Also available on Itunes.

PBS Series A Wider World Segment "Cancer Etiquette"

My dinner with Susan

Remember when you were in school and the teacher asked you to pick one person dead or alive from any time in history to have dinner with, to talk to, to gain words of wisdom from?  I do.  I can't recall who I picked, but family members aside (yes Dad, you would be first, as long as dinner would include your delicious goulash)  I would pick Susan Komen to sit down and have dinner with.

"What???"  You are thinking...

"All the amazing people throughout history and you pick her?"

I am a bit of a history buff, I love the stories of how our country was founded, hey I grew up in one of the 13 original colonies, can't help that, and the whole story of Pearl Harbor intrigues me, but yes even with the chance of having dinner with John Adams or George Washington, I pick Susan G. Komen.

As any cancer survivor knows her battle and unfortunate death because of cancer started the Susan G. Komen foundation.

Nancy Brinker.

Susan Komen's sister.

Her name instills anger in many cancer survivors, because of the recent uproar over "pinkwashing", something I had written about in 2008 on the stupid cancer blog.

and then again dear dear Nancy and her Komen foundation created Promise Me perfume, ironically which could cause cancer, and most of us have issues with strong fragrances while going through chemo and well beyond that.

And now pulling funding from planned parenthood, which it seems to be a political move, and many assume that the poor and un and underinsured will not be able to get mammograms.

Then panic sets in.

Now lets be honest, Planned Parenthood isn't the only place women can get mammograms or cancer information. There is no need to press the panic button.

Komen however did press that panic button and decided to rescind their decision on  funding planned parenthood

Dinner time.

I can imagine Susan and I sitting down to dinner.

I think the first thing I would show her is the Komen website, show her where it says about Susan, which is little more than a glossed over story about Nancy.

Tell her that even though her sister has taken the pink ribbon and tried to sue other organizations for using it, as well as suing other organizations who use for the cure as if breast cancer is the only cancer we want cured.

Let her know that it was in fact Evelyn Lauder who created the pink ribbon campaign, and the Estee Lauder foundation has not tried to sue other organizations for use of the pink ribbon.

By this time I can imagine Susan is silent.  Wondering how this all has happened.  How an organization that was founded through, what I am sure was love, has become so large, so hated by many, including the very cancer survivors the organization was founded for.

I wish I could actually have this dinner, have this conversation. 

Wonder what she would say that her sister can't see the cancer awareness forest for the pink trees? 

Ask her how putting a pink ribbon on friskies or alcohol furthers research and awareness.

But I can't

I can only wonder how her sister Nancy became so far removed from what she started

for Susan.



Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes. 

Interview on BBC radio program World Have Your Say

BBC World Have Your Say Interview with The Cancer Warrior Dec 16,2011 from Cancer Warrior on Vimeo.

I was honored and humbled to be requested by the BBC to speak about "The Topic of Cancer"  Here is my segment on the program.

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com.  Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

What its like to survive

Another guest blogger. Enjoy.

What’s it like to survive? Have you or someone you really care about ever survived something that could have changed things forever?

Being a survivor sets you apart from other people in that you have a totally different view on things after “surviving”. No, I am not suggesting that we survivors are better than other people or anything like that; after all it’s friends and family who helped us survive, bring us through the hard times, and stand behind us as we continue on our journey. In a way, they survived too and are a part of the survival team. Think about it, a mom having to watch her child go through treatments for cancer? When that’s all over, you better believe she feels like a survivor also!

Survivors of car wrecks, wars and other diseases all know that they have, for some reason, been given a second chance; and I’d like to think that second chance, was not by “chance” exactly. Now my next comment is not to just show my fascination with conspiracy theories and secret clubs like the “Skull and Bones”, but I would like to think of survivors as being in their own little club too. (Unfortunately, we don’t rule the world though!)

As a survivor, first and foremost, we realize that we are temporary. No matter how great things are today and at this moment, we know that it can all change in an instant. We carry this attitude with us at all times. Whether we are at the Christmas party hanging out with friends and cutting up (break dancing in some cases), or at home relaxing with our families, our survival and what “could” and “could have” happened is always tucked away within us. We know that the unthinkable does not just happen to “other people.”

Now, this all shouldn’t read as the “poor little survivors”, because we are not “poor little survivors”; we are “blessed little survivors.” We now have a new appreciation for the smallest things, for all kinds of people that enter our life; we now take the time. That’s what it’s like to survive!

Ryan Hamner is a 4-time survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and a singer-songwriter who travels performing and speaking to those affected by cancer. Please check out his new song, “Survivors Survive” online at http://www.hearthehearttour.com and learn about his community for cancer survivors at http://www.2surviveonline.com .

Merrells

Its funny how certain things can remind you of events.  Smells, taste, clothing.  I remember when my fiance Doug was in the hospital and I was wearing this original 6 hockey shirt, it had the team logos on it.  He seemed ok then he started staring at it and then he had a seizure.  (That is what he was in the hospital for) 

It took me a year to wear that shirt again.  I almost tossed it out, but me being a hockey fan, well, of course it stayed in my wardrobe.

I have this pair of Merrell sandals.  They are my favorite shoes.  Not only because they signal the advent of spring/summer, they are just so damn comfortable.  I wear them whenever I can.  Biking, at work, everywhere.  I almost wore them to the Warrior dash, but I knew they would get ruined.

I bought them in the bargain basement of a local store.  I am not sure what year, but I know it was before I was diagnosed in Sept of 2007.

Now I don't remember what I was wearing when I heard my doc say "It's cancer"   but I do remember I had to get my physical the next day.  It was already scheduled for Sept 19th. I remember sitting on the exam table waiting for the doc to come in, staring down at my Merrells wondering what the hell was happening to me.

That was almost 4 years ago.  As you can see from the photo, they are well worn, and they are loved, and yeah they helped me get through treatment.

So you may look at them and wonder why don't I get a new pair?

Now you know why.

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

The art of language

Everything has its own language.  For example, if you were to sit down next to me and I started talking about hockey and you had no idea what a shot on goal, PIM, one timer was, you would think, what the hell is she talking about.

Language, words.  Everybody has a hobby or a job that has its own language or terminology.  My friend owns a pilates studio. Before I started taking pilates you told me well today we are getting on the cadillac and doing the one hundred, then we will do the tree and the elephant.  I would think wait, we are getting in a car and what going to the zoo.  ( I haven't done pilates in a while but I know you cant do the elephant on the cadillac, or at least I am pretty sure) 

Another friend of mine chemobabe is a math professor.  That has its own language too.  If someone came up to me and started talking about word problems, fractions or pi my eyes would start to glaze over and I wouldn't understand what they are talking about.  (Did I tell you I totally sucked at math in high school?)

Language. 

There is a language I have learned that I wish I didn't know.  The language of cancer.  The medical terminology that comes with being a cancer patient/survivor.  I can talk at lengths about zofran, chemobrain, side effects of herceptin, adrymicin.  Tell you how good Biafine felt after radiation. Talk about muga scans, ct scans, insomnia, constipation.  Tell you how it sucks when I get depressed. Language.

I hate knowing that language.  I wish I was blissfully ignorant of terms like chemo fatigue, neuropathy & left ventricle ejection fraction.

But I know them. 

As cancer survivors we all know them.  Unfortunately it is not like a foreign language where you get a semester to learn what everything means.  You are essentially tossed off the boat into the ocean, where you have to swim and figure this shit out either on your own, or with the help of friends, family and the internet.

Fortunately there are enough of us out there to help if you find yourself stuck in that ocean.  The sea of words.

I'll be around to toss you a life preserver and help you out.

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Resident Evil

Last blogpost was about my friend Sarah aka The Carcinista's decision to stop treatment and live out the rest of her life on her terms.  I recorded a podcast with Sarah on Wednesday April 27.  Podcast went on Empower Radio 2 days later.  On Tuesday May 3rd I had learned that she had passed away.  Now they gave her a month (from what exact day I am not sure that was given, found out about it when I looked at facebook on my iphone, I am finding out more shitty information about my survivor friends that way.)

Of course I cried.  I was totally stunned and blown away.  How could this be?  Less than a week...  

I was beside myself with grief.

I still am.

I actually thought about giving up my advocacy.  I didn't share that with anyone.  It was a thought that went through my head.  Why am I doing this if my friends keep dying?  How can what I do make any kind of difference?

Then I saw a post my my facebook wall from Angella Hamilton.  I had called her after I had found out Sarah had passed and left a tear filled message on her voicemail. 

This is the post Angella had left me:  

"I want to tell you that what you do makes a difference. I know there are days when it gets rough- but your podcast with Sarah, and every cancer Survivor for that matter - makes an impact on people's lives and you should feel good about that."

So with those words in front of me I had several thoughts surrounding me.  I could run and hide and shut myself off from the world which is what I really felt like doing.

Or I could still be sad, pissed off, and stay in the fight.

I guess you figured out which one I chose.


Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Done

I wish that is what they would stamp on my cancer chart. DONE. As if you could just stamp something and have it be so like "top secret"  like on NCIS or "case closed," like the CIA does. Sadly that is not the case. I don't think you can ever be done with cancer. Even in remission or not having it for many years, there is always that scanxiety, with every blood test, or scan, or even phone call.

September 18th will be my 3 year cancerversary.  Still can't believe it has been 3 years.

Certain things I remember like they were yesterday.  Other stuff is just a giant chemoblur.  I remember when I was told, obviously, when the surgeon told me my options, when the oncologist said ok we can start chemo next week, I thought, what, already holy shit, give me more than 7 days after I get my port in to process this craziness.

My friends told me that it would be over before I knew it.  I didn't believe them at the time.

This is going to take forever I thought HOW MANY MONTHS WILL I HAVE THIS GODDAMN PORT IN?  How long will I be going through chemo and herceptin, and I have to reschedule my life around an afternoon radiation appointment?  Really?

My friend was right.  Although it didn't seem like it it did go by fast.  Now I watch other people go through similar situations that I did, chemo, surgery radiation, and I see the anger and frustrations in their posts.  I know how they feel, I felt that way too. 

Its hard to explain to my friends that soon this will be a distant memory, that this wont last forever, but when you are in the moment, surrounded by cancer, time stands still.

I will continue to advocate, continue to speak about patient empowerment, continue to share my story, continue to blog.

Until there is a cure.

Only then will I be Done.

Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now and also available on Itunes

Bike 4 Breast cancer event

This is why I do what I do

Mel is the host of The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com  Available on Demand and also available on Itunes.
 
Mel is  also the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon on wmktthetalkstation.com

The importance of vigilance

Kari's survivor story

Thanks to Dana Farber Cancer Institute for allowing me to repost

Bio of the host of video:
Dr. Kenneth Miller, medical director of Dana-Farber's Lance Armstrong Foundation Adult Cancer Survivorship Program knows that the end of cancer treatment is not the end of the cancer experience. As an oncologist, and a husband of a two-time cancer survivor, Dr. Miller knows that survivors need to find a new balance in life, one that recognizes where they’ve been medically, and where they’re going for a healthy future. The Living Well Beyond Cancer video series available for viewing online at www.dana-farber.org/livingwellbeyondcancer features Miller interviewing experts from the fields of oncology, psychology, nutrition, and more, outlining many of the issues survivors typically face, from fear of recurrence to long-term health concerns to creating a wellness plan.

Cure or Cancer Free?

I got into a heated debate, well lets say argument with a friend of mine about doctors using the word cure.  Once again, I have to say  this is my personal opinion, which will, I am sure piss some people off. I get stubborn that way.  I have my own beliefs.  I am not saying they are right, they are just mine.  Like I was telling my friend.  This is only my opinion, you don't have to like it, and if everyone had the same opinion as me the world would be a pretty boring place.

I hate it when doctors use the word cure when describing cancer.  Let's be honest.  There is no cure, not for one tiny little variant strain of any cancer. I wish to God there was.  I wish all oncologists would be put out of business, but that is not the case.

My friend asked me why it bothered me so much, Here is why: THERE IS NO CURE FOR CANCER.  For me, my definition, cure means there is 100% chance that your cancer will not return.  No doctor can say that, because, well once again, no cure. 

After I argued with my friend, I googled cure for cancer, just to see what I would come up with. Couldn't find anything listed.  Now I hoped against all hopes that I was wrong, that I would see something  on oncolink or something posted from the New England Journal of Medicine. 

Nothing.

I am cancer free, that is what the surgeon told me when he removed the cancerous tumor from my body.  If I was cured, then I would have assumed there would have been no need for the months of chemo, radiation and targeted gene therapy afterwards.

But I went through all that, and I still take tamoxifen, and I will until 2012.  I still get blood tests and scans, and have appointments, and I still worry a little every time,  because I am not cured, but because I am cancer free. 

I will advocate, I will blog, I will keep on doing my podcast.


Until there's a cure.

Mel is the producer of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern standard time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand and on itunes