Showing posts with label positivity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label positivity. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Those three little words...
That was my dinner tonight. Pancakes and bacon. Everyone loves bacon right? And pancakes make everything better (well they do, especially after visiting the emergency room twice in one night a month after starting chemo.)
So I started thinking, if my dinner could make my cancer come back.
Not like that is possible. No one really knows what caused my cancer.
"I'm sorry Mel," the doctor would say," you shouldn't have had that pancake and bacon dinner on January 18,2012. You should have stuck to your regular diet of chicken or fish and veggies."
Of course its in the waayyy back of my mind about recurrance, but its always there. Floating around like a little bubble, sometimes you see it, sometimes you don't.
I had the latest issue of Cure Magazine next to me. The title was "What caused my cancer?"
"I don't know."
Those three little words that I have heard so often from my doctors.
Could my cancer have been caused by my biological grandmother having cancer?
Was it living in the San Fernando Valley for 10 years with all that smog?
Or perhaps it was working at that fancy restaurant that used to be an old cement factory.
Maybe it was just dumb fucking luck.
"I don't know."
Who is more frustrated, me the patient or my doctor?
I expect my doctor to know everything, but after all, they are just people, but shouldn't they know everything?
We think that when we are crying about our diagnosis, or upset about a new illness, possibly brought on by our treatment for cancer.
Yep, those three words.
Think about how hard it would be to say those words to someone, when they look to you for the answers and yet you have none.
That must be extremely hard.
How hard?
I don't know....
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Interview on BBC radio program World Have Your Say
BBC World Have Your Say Interview with The Cancer Warrior Dec 16,2011 from Cancer Warrior on Vimeo.
I was honored and humbled to be requested by the BBC to speak about "The Topic of Cancer" Here is my segment on the program.
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com. Available on demand and also available on Itunes.
Friday, December 9, 2011
What its like to survive
Another guest blogger. Enjoy.
What’s it like to survive? Have you or someone you really care about ever survived something that could have changed things forever?
Being a survivor sets you apart from other people in that you have a totally different view on things after “surviving”. No, I am not suggesting that we survivors are better than other people or anything like that; after all it’s friends and family who helped us survive, bring us through the hard times, and stand behind us as we continue on our journey. In a way, they survived too and are a part of the survival team. Think about it, a mom having to watch her child go through treatments for cancer? When that’s all over, you better believe she feels like a survivor also!
Survivors of car wrecks, wars and other diseases all know that they have, for some reason, been given a second chance; and I’d like to think that second chance, was not by “chance” exactly. Now my next comment is not to just show my fascination with conspiracy theories and secret clubs like the “Skull and Bones”, but I would like to think of survivors as being in their own little club too. (Unfortunately, we don’t rule the world though!)
As a survivor, first and foremost, we realize that we are temporary. No matter how great things are today and at this moment, we know that it can all change in an instant. We carry this attitude with us at all times. Whether we are at the Christmas party hanging out with friends and cutting up (break dancing in some cases), or at home relaxing with our families, our survival and what “could” and “could have” happened is always tucked away within us. We know that the unthinkable does not just happen to “other people.”
Now, this all shouldn’t read as the “poor little survivors”, because we are not “poor little survivors”; we are “blessed little survivors.” We now have a new appreciation for the smallest things, for all kinds of people that enter our life; we now take the time. That’s what it’s like to survive!
Ryan Hamner is a 4-time survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and a singer-songwriter who travels performing and speaking to those affected by cancer. Please check out his new song, “Survivors Survive” online at http://www.hearthehearttour.com and learn about his community for cancer survivors at http://www.2surviveonline.com .
Being a survivor sets you apart from other people in that you have a totally different view on things after “surviving”. No, I am not suggesting that we survivors are better than other people or anything like that; after all it’s friends and family who helped us survive, bring us through the hard times, and stand behind us as we continue on our journey. In a way, they survived too and are a part of the survival team. Think about it, a mom having to watch her child go through treatments for cancer? When that’s all over, you better believe she feels like a survivor also!
Survivors of car wrecks, wars and other diseases all know that they have, for some reason, been given a second chance; and I’d like to think that second chance, was not by “chance” exactly. Now my next comment is not to just show my fascination with conspiracy theories and secret clubs like the “Skull and Bones”, but I would like to think of survivors as being in their own little club too. (Unfortunately, we don’t rule the world though!)
As a survivor, first and foremost, we realize that we are temporary. No matter how great things are today and at this moment, we know that it can all change in an instant. We carry this attitude with us at all times. Whether we are at the Christmas party hanging out with friends and cutting up (break dancing in some cases), or at home relaxing with our families, our survival and what “could” and “could have” happened is always tucked away within us. We know that the unthinkable does not just happen to “other people.”
Now, this all shouldn’t read as the “poor little survivors”, because we are not “poor little survivors”; we are “blessed little survivors.” We now have a new appreciation for the smallest things, for all kinds of people that enter our life; we now take the time. That’s what it’s like to survive!
Ryan Hamner is a 4-time survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and a singer-songwriter who travels performing and speaking to those affected by cancer. Please check out his new song, “Survivors Survive” online at http://www.hearthehearttour.com and learn about his community for cancer survivors at http://www.2surviveonline.com .
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Celebration???
September 18th I will celebrate 4 years of being cancer free.
Most people go by the date they were diagnosed.
I always get more introspective closer to the date of my diagnosis. I read old blog posts of mine, sometimes not believing how far I have come, and yet still how far I have to go.
Does anyone else find it strange that we celebrate a day that changed everything?
Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for early detection. For my doctors. For the planets aligning for everything to have gone well so far. I am grateful to God.
But celebrate a day that started out great and ended in a way I could not imagine. In a way that changed my life forever? In some good ways, in some bad.
Coming up on four years cancer free. I am grateful I am here, and fighting the fight.
I am not celebrating the fact I had cancer.
I am celebrating the fact I found it in time, and that I am here, and that my doctors are, in my eyes, rockstars.
So if you see me with a sly grin you will know why.
Suck on that cancer.
Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.
Labels:
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Saturday, May 14, 2011
Drowning in your own thoughts
May is mental health awareness month. I find it ironic that I asked my doctor to up my anti depressant dosage during this month. Things have been in a downward spiral for about a month. I can't put my finger on what the trigger was for it. Just stress I guess.
I should be happy! I survived cancer.
Kicked its ass actually, and continue to kick it with my advocacy.
Then why am I so damned depressed?
Freedictionary defines depression as: Psychology A psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia, feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness and hopelessness, and thoughts of death. Also called clinical depression
Great. I survived cancer now I have a psychiatric disorder.
It's not really that uncommon for cancer survivors to be depressed. I don't have exact numbers or graphs or charts but I know I am not the only one.
Although sometimes it feels that way.
I know I have been avoiding dealing with this for some time. I'm supposed to be strong right? I'm the one people lean on. A friend of mine told me that he doesn't know how I can deal with everything I deal with, that I must have armadillo skin.
The signs were all there. Avoidance, sadness, loss of interest etc. I chose to ignore them, or maybe I thought it was different this time.
I was wrong.
Its hard to explain to someone who doesn't deal with this what its like. It sucks because its not something you can control.
I tried to explain to a friend of mine about this. I said I was dealing with this depression, and that it wasn't going to be easy dealing with me, that I may get upset or angry for no reason. She said she understood.
But I could tell she really didn't.
Trying to explain to someone what this feels like is like shooting rubberbands at the stars. You can try but it wont reach. Unless you have know what this feels like its hard to explain.
Your head tells you one thing that your heart knows isn't true:
No one else feels like this, no one can help me, I feel lost.
Obviously none of those are true, but when you are within that moment, drowning in a sea of your own thoughts that is what it feels like.
Depression can handcuff you too. Makes it hard to do your job and live your life. Sometimes its a struggle just to make it through the day without wanting to just curl up in a ball and go to sleep, or feel like you are on pins and needles the whole day.
The passing of The Carcinista was a definitely a huge blow. I am not even sure how I got through that week at work.
So if you saw me the first week of May I wasn't myself.
Realizing that was hard.
Asking for help was harder.
I know I am taking steps in the right direction to get back on track, back to myself.
It could be a slow process, or a quick one.
Either way I am glad I know I am getting better.
Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Uncomfortably Numb
I had read a blog post by my friend Sarah, also known as The Carcinista, that she had decided to forgo treatment and choose quality of life over quantity. She has been battling stage 3c ovarian cancer on and off since 2006. The cancer metastasized to her lungs. She decided that she didn't want to do more taxol, which makes you lose your hair. She wants to leave this world with her hair. Can't say I blame her on that one. I hated being bald.
So I thought it would be interesting to have her on my podcast. Not really knowing if she would want to share her story with me. Its one thing to write about it in the comfort of your own home, its another talking about it. Sounds kind of weird I know, but since I have been on both sides of the microphone I understand how weird it is to talk about yourself. Luckily Sarah said yes.
As I listened to her story it reminded me how she was a part of the Inner Tough Girls 12 weeks of transformation, as was I. I was going through a rough time emotionally during those 12 weeks and I have to say I wasn't the easiest person to deal with (sorry Angella) but was grateful for meeting the women in the group.
Being a cancer survivor/advocate you get caught up in forums, discussions, advocacy, your own survivorship etc. As some one who has a good prognosis for survival I try not to think about my own mortality. I did that during treatment. As survivors we always have that word recurrance on our minds. In my case it has been shut in the back of my mind. Not something I think about.
So was surprised about The Carcinista's post. I know she has been battling ovarian cancer on and off for a while but whenever I read about friends who make the decision to stop treatment it is always shocking to see.
You always think: WHAT? Keep fighting!! Don't give up!!
But its not about that is it?
When you have done all you can, exhausted every option, every treatment, every clinical trial. EVERYTHING.
When you know that you have fought all you could and now its about quantity vs quality of life.
Would you rather spend what you know to be your last remaining days on chemo being bald, feeling like shit, possibly not wanting to be around your family because you have that chemo haze surrounding you?
Or would you want to spend every last waking moment with them, knowing that every day is one day closer to not being with them anymore.
Its a hard decision to make for anyone. Especially someone with two young children.
As I listened to Sarah tell her story I heard the labored breathing. I knew it would get harder for her to speak to her husband, to her kids.
It was hard to listen to, not because her story wasn't interesting, but because as survivors when something like this happens to a friend you can picture it happening to you. It is one of those surreal circumstances that happens when you are a survivor.
After I left the studio I called Angella and told her about Sarah's podcast. Angella had not been online in a while she did not read Sarah's post.
So I had the dubious honor of telling her about Sarah's choice, while hard, sadly I know she had made the right decision.
After listening to the podcast and informing Angella about Sarah's decision I went home. Not even knowing what I was feeling.
How can I be happy for someone who is going to die?
And why the fuck did I have to be the bearer of bad news?
Now I know in the end, as my good friend Don Wilhelm would have said. "It is what it is"
True
But it still sucks.
Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
PUSH
Last week I went out with a couple of friends of mine for a day trip. We went just a couple hours away to just have lunch, go shopping, girls day out.
I have new hours at work. I start work at 5:45am and work until noon, sometimes later on during the day. I should go to bed early, but being a night owl is hard to give up. I just can't get my ass in bed before 11pm on most nights.
So back to the trip. It was a great day with friends. Started out about 10am and we got back home around 5 or 6pm. Great food, a lot of laughs and some shopping thrown in there.
I didn't realize how much the trip to a town just an hour and a half away would wipe me out. I didn't drive. I have to ride up front, if I sit in the back seat I get car sick. Always asking to sit in the front seat is a little embarrassing for me, but it beats the alternative. Chemo made tolerance for that worse.
When I got home I had that fatigued feeling. The same feeling I got when I was going through chemo, that tired worn out feeling.
Now being a 3 year survivor I would have thought that feeling like that would be gone. But no, it isn't.
Being a cancer survivor is hard sometimes. You do things you did before you had cancer, expecting it to be what it was like before, sometimes it is, sometimes it is not.
This time it was not. The fatigue I felt felt exactly like chemo fatigue. Feelings like that can bring you right back to a particular moment.
Remembering how shitty you felt, or looked.
Even after playing hockey this season, even after the two times a week pilates session I did in addition to the hockey.
I still have times when I feel like that.
I hate that.
I have to remember that it still takes time to heal from cancer, even after three years.
I have to remember that I still have to push myself sometimes to get back to where I was before.
Or push myself past that, to be better than I was.
That is the place I want to be.
Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The season
I play hockey. That is not new to any readers of this blog. I played on a coed league this year. Haven't played coed hockey since I lived in California, because of the expense, and I really wanted to try to get the women's hockey program of off the ground, but cancer had other plans.
So I really returned to the ice this year, in an organized hockey program. Last time I hit the ice before this was 3 years ago
3 years.
I found out about my cancer right before the season started in 2007. I remember telling my teammates, that I had cancer. That was hard. It was shocking, both to them and to me. At that point I didn't know what my course of treatment was going to be.
When I finally saw the surgeon and he told me I had to have a port put in I said, what I can't play hockey for two years? I actually thought that!! Isn't that crazy? I know I have written about this moment many times, but that tells you what an important role hockey has played in my life.
So I really didn't know what to expect when I was told about this coed league. Like I said before I had played in California. There were a few women here and there, I had 2 female teammates on my first team I played on. Some teams had no women on them. Some didn't like women playing hockey. There wasn't a sense of camaraderie within the league, only on our team.
The league manager does a draft. He tries to put different levels of abilities of players together. Its a C league, which means we have beginners and intermediates mostly, and some people who play very well interspersed within the teams. There are 4 teams in this league. I played on Hartman Law.
Now let me tell you this, in California, we had to buy our jerseys home and away, which was fine. There is nothing like getting your first jersey with your name on the back. Its an awesome feeling. This being a small town that I live in now that is not the case. They have sponsors for the teams. So they have jerseys already made for the team, kind of a bummer, but that's ok. I looked in the bin full of jerseys, found one that wasn't too big, it was #6.
I remember when I stepped onto the ice for the first game I felt shaky, it had after all been 3 years since I played, but it felt good.
On the ice everything makes sense, you can take all your aggressions, frustrations, anger, happiness every emotion you have and use it to play. Its a physical sport, and it can change in an instant with the bounce of the puck, a deflection or a pass. Its also a team sport. You can't win the game alone, you rely on your teammates.
We only played 9 games in the regular season, but I was grateful for every second on the ice. We won 4 games lost one and tied 4.
We were in first place.
I didn't score a point in the regular season, and I wanted to so bad. I had scored goals before when I played in California, and in the first game I played when I moved to Michigan, but I really wanted to score a goal or get an assist.
I didn't during the regular season.
We had a two game playoff. The first game was close. We won
Holy shit, my team is in the finals.
I have never been on a winning team before.
Until now.
I don't know what the time was in the first period but I scored the first goal in our final game.
It was a one timer.
All I can remember is seeing the puck on my stick then looking up and seeing it hit the back of the net.
My first goal after cancer. Awesome.
The game lasted 45 minutes. Just a blip in time when you consider how long I was in treatment for.
45 minutes, and we played hard.
And won.
The cool thing about this league, is the cameraderie. My team was happy I scored.
But so was everyone else.
Not everyone in the league knew of my battle with cancer, how hard I fought.
How hard I continue to fight during survivorship for myself.
How hard I fight for others, some I have met, some I never will.
The best thing about this season?
It has brought me closer to feeling like me.
And its about damn time...
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Long and Winding Road
Those of you who are frequent readers of this post know I like to exercise. Makes me feel good, it slowly gets me back to where I was before all of this. Before cancer, before side effects, before I knew so many medical terms one of my doctors asked me if I was in the medical industry, unfortunately, no I am just a student of my disease.
So I have decided to try to take up running again. I haven't run since high school when I ran cross country. I lettered in that. Still have the varsity jacket, and it still fits.
Running will definitely take me out of my comfort zone. I haven't run since high school because of my knees, and well, quite honestly running never really appealled to me, probably because of the growing pains I had with my knees. I only ran the one year for cross country, and after I lettered I guess I wasn't that interested in it.
In high school I wasn't much of an athlete. Didn't participate in team sports after cross country in 9th grade I believe. I even recall that many of my classmates were on diets, drinking diet coke and worrying about their weight. I never did that. Wasn't my thing.
Back to me deciding to run. I have my reservations wondering if I will enjoy it. I know it will be hard at first. Different than what I am used to doing. In the summer I love to ride my bike on the local bike path. Nothing like you and your bike and you and the serenity of nature.
I have a friend who is going to go running with me. Train me I guess. She is one of the pilates instructors from pilates midwest, the pilates studio where I did the pink ribbon program and where I currently take pilates classes. I don't even know if that is the right terminology. All I know is I enjoy going there and she enjoys kicking my butt.
So we did a 5k walk this past Saturday, my friend the pilates instructor, Jan and I walked,while the other pilates instructor ran. It was cold, about 20 degrees outside. It was good to get outside in the fresh air.
But of course we know, as cancer survivors, nothing is ever easy.
I have osteopenia. I need to do weight bearing exercises to keep the osteoporosis away. So I thought the walk would be a good addition to the pilates and hockey that I do currently.
The next day I noticed my neuropathy flaring up.
So let me get this straight.
I am trying to get back into shape with the help of one of my friends, and the walk causes a side effect?
The neuropathy doesn't really hurt. My foot is numb. Its more of an annoyance, but I would rather it not get back to the point of shooting pain going all the way up my leg to my knee.
I am hoping that running will cause a break through and it will go away permanently, and not have it return doing something that I want to do.
Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.
Labels:
emotions,
exercise,
healing,
health,
healthy,
hockey,
hope,
livestrong,
neuropathy,
pilates midwest,
pink ribbon program,
positivity,
stupid cancer,
survivor,
survivorship
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Happy Happy Joy Joy
I have been feeling great for quite some time now. I know it has a lot to do with playing hockey and pilates. Exercise raises endorphin levels. Endorphins make you feel good. We all know that.
I think a lot of it has to do with not only working out but knowing that I am getting back to my old self. Not that I can ever get back exactly to the way I was I know that. Sometimes that is a hard reality to face. But very close.
I still remember telling my hockey team I had cancer. I still remember what it feels like to be going through treatment and not being able to do anything. To be tired and weak. To feel shitty and feel like someone else.
Cancer takes so much from you. So does the chemo. It can strip away feeling like the person you were, to a person you don't even know. Makes everything about you feel like someone else, down to the very core of your soul. It took a few years of doing things that I love doing away from me. I When I was going through treatment I would look forward to these days and hope that they would come quickly. Now I look back and am glad that it is a distant light in the tunnel behind.
Like I said I am feeling good. I didn't realize how bad I felt until recently when I realized I felt so good.
I felt so bad for so long I didn't know the difference.
Now I feel so great I don't want it to end. I am hoping it wont.
Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.
Labels:
cancer advocacy,
emotions,
exercise,
healthy,
hockey,
hope,
positivity,
stupid cancer
Friday, January 7, 2011
Happy New Year
Recorded this video on New Years Eve. Why I do what I do.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Pilates and Beyond by Jennifer Kries
Another guest blogger. Enjoy
When Mel asked me to write a guest blog on her site, I couldn’t help but marvel at the wonder that Pilates has been in my life to date; forget about the myriad benefits it has provided to myself and millions of others since its debut back at the turn of the last century, but how about the following example, this “water wheel of life” connectivity it has orchestrated around me as long as I have been doing it: Mel is the student of two shining stars in my immediate Pilates stellium: Senior Pilates Teacher, Jan Tirony-Johnson, the owner of my affiliate Mid-West Training Center, Pilates Midwest, and Lynn Descamp, Jan’s “right-hand” an exceptional and dedicated Pilates instructor in her own right. This is what I love about Pilates- the incredible, inevitable legacy that continues in the lives of all of the people it touches, and the way that it can bring people together, who ordinarily would have never had the opportunity to meet, let alone grow and evolve together. And this holds especially true for me in Michigan with Jan and the extraordinary studio community that she has created. I am honored to call her a true and dear friend, as well as an esteemed colleague, and have only the deepest affection and highest regard for her “team,” Lynn, Charisse, and Ashley, among others.
Thank you Mel, for asking me to contribute to your wonderful online forum and to help spread the word about the magic that is Pilates, but most especially, for giving me this opportunity to share just how much your teachers mean to me, and how grateful I am that Pilates helped me to open the door to these incredibly meaningful relationships with the special ladies you work with in Petoskey.
I first discovered Pilates at age thirteen with one of Joseph Pilates’ protégées, the late Eve Gentry at the prestigious School of American Ballet in New York City in what they then called a “Contrology Class,”--- the name Joseph Pilates gave to the technique he developed. Long before anyone knew what it was, we aspiring dancers used Pilates as a secret weapon to strengthen our abdominals and our bodies, so that we could jump higher, turn faster and move with greater precision and grace. I practiced Pilates throughout my professional dance career and it kept me inspired, injury free and powerful!
Pilates had been such an effective and profound mind-body tool, that I felt compelled to share it with the public. After getting certified in the early 90’s, with another one of Joseph Pilates “Master Inheritors,” Romana Kryzanowska, and becoming one of the privileged few “2nd Generation” Pilates Master Instructors, I introduced the Pilates “Mat class” to gym facilities in New York and watched the excitement build … people would have one taste of it and they would be immediately hooked. Even after one class, they felt taller, more energized, more capable and more alive.
I was thrilled to be able to influence the lives of the people in my classes in New York, but I wanted to share this incredible secret with as many people as possible. Serendipitously, one of my loyal students was in video production and said, ”Jennifer, you really should share this with the masses! Let me help you …” In 1998 I premiered the first ever Pilates video under “The Method” title, and just look at Pilates now.
Pilates is a non-impact, non weight-bearing system of physical conditioning that focuses on body placement and increasing awareness of the body’s capabilities and untapped resources. Pilates changes bodies. It makes them fitter, stronger and more attractive. It slims the muscles and makes them longer; it develops sleekness rather than bulk. It turns the abdomen and lower back into a firm, central support for a newly supple and graceful body.
Born near Dusseldorf, Germany in 1880, Joseph Pilates suffered from asthma, rickets and rheumatic fever as a child. His determination and drive to overcome those ailments led to his study of Eastern and Western forms of exercise, including yoga and ancient Greek and Roman regimens. By the time he was fourteen, Pilates had worked so hard at bodybuilding that he was able to pose for anatomical charts and had become a diver, skier and gymnast. When World War I broke out, he was an intern for a year in Lancaster, England, along with other German nationals. While in the camp, he taught his fellow internees the physical fitness program he had developed, and boasted that they would emerge stronger than they were before imprisonment. Those who followed his program resisted the influenza epidemic that swept the nation and killed thousands. He also encountered people who were disabled as a result of wartime injuries, diseases, and incarceration, and began devising machines using the springs from old hospital beds to help in their rehabilitation. These machines were the prototypes of the equipment used in Pilates studios today.
Pilates believed that the “attainment and maintenance of a uniformly developed body with a sound mind, fully capable of naturally and efficiently performing daily tasks with spontaneous zest and ease” should be the objective for people of all ages and fitness levels.
Pilates’ six principles: concentration, control, centering, breath, flow and precision enable the practitioner to learn to move with maximum efficiency while minimizing stress on the body. You are able to access new levels in your body and create a deeper, more complete feeling of fitness, energy and vitality that remains with you days after your workout.
Pilates exercises make people more aware of their bodies. It helps to improve alignment and breathing and increases efficiency of movement. The focus is on the center of the body---the “powerhouse,” or the “corset muscles,” also known as the stabilizing core muscles of the torso, which support the spine. The rectus abdominus, the central abdominal muscle, running from sternum to pubic bone works in tandem with the transverse abdominus, the deepest of the abdominal muscles, wrapping around the trunk horizontally, acting like a "corset" when engaged. Other muscles that are important in providing good stability in the trunk, are the erector spinae, that run on either side of the spine, the quadratus lumborum and multifidus muscles in the low back, and the intrinsic muscles of the pelvic floor. The active collaboration of these major muscle groups creates a solid cylinder around the central spine, helping to prevent “shearing” or eroding forces from being applied to the vertebrae, ligaments and discs that evolve as a result of repetitive trauma, habitual patterns of movement that are unconscious and unproductive for the body-mind.
My favorite Pilates exercises are those that I learned first as a young dancer and they are also the very exercises that I feature in my DVDs, both those for the exercising public, my New Body! Pilates Series and those geared more towards the teacher trainee, or professional-track Pilates student, as well as certified teachers, my Pilates Method Master Trainer Series, which coincidentally, was filmed at Jan Tirony Johnson’s studio in Petoskey … They are the exercises from the original, classical mat workout developed by Joseph Pilates, a series that focuses on the abdominal center, the muscles of the torso, as well as breathing patterns for each exercise, teaching you how to direct energy to those targeted areas while relaxing the rest of the body. In all of my DVDs, one learns and immediately experiences what Pilates called “economy of movement.” Because you do the fewest number of repetitions with the greatest precision and control, you get the most out of your efforts, and your focus and determination grow exponentially.
On a spiritual level, the workout is concerned with the process itself. You learn to focus on the present moment and the movement itself rather than the outcome. This is a workout, a regime similar to yoga that promotes consciousness and facilitates evolution and self-transformation.
The subtle magic of Pilates is that the work grows as you do. You rise to higher and higher levels as your self-awareness and experience deepen. As you gain insight and as your actual physical strength increases, the work refines and redefines itself.
Pilates is a unique, refreshing approach that sees our physical activity as a way to restore total oneness with ourselves and create harmony with our body, mind and spirit; under this notion, exercise becomes the means to experiencing a personal potential greater than the physical skills themselves. Every movement emanates from the center, which is also our emotional core, and the exercises truly help to "center" you. When you learn the advantage of paying attention to the energy, flow and rhythms in your exercises and see how pushing or forcing is counterproductive, you begin to apply this notion to the rest of your life. When you center your attention in the moment and act in harmony with time, you experience inner peace and fulfillment. By staying in the present, you can do less, yet gain more; paradoxically, you create more personal power and energy enabling you to have a greater influence over the outcome both in your sessions and long after you leave the studio.
My love of Pilates began long before its era of popularity and has served as a pillar of strength for me in all aspects of my professional athletic and artistic life, enlivening my spirit, conditioning my body, reinforcing my self-esteem and overall feeling of peace and well-being. I continue to be amazed and delighted every time I teach a class, or I take one, just how simple, yet powerfully transformational “The Method” truly is, and how its effects grace the body mind and spirit with a gift you give yourself, and one that catalyzes profound changes in one’s being. How appropriate now, during this season of giving to consider such a wondrous thing, that the gift we give ourselves doesn’t stop with us, but goes well beyond us to touch the lives of each person we come in contact with ...
Pilates and other mind-body-spirit modalities center and balance us, making us more aware of ourselves and what makes us feel good, so that we then have greater reserves to share those good feelings with others, reminding us of what is truly important in life, like seeing someone smile as a result of our single act of kindness that reflects right back into our hearts. Pilates, very simply, makes us into healthier, kinder, more generous, more connected, conscious people and makes the world a better place.
Jennifer Kries
Bio
Dancer, choreographer, yoga devotee, author, lifestyle expert and Pilates master teacher, Jennifer Kries is an unparalleled innovator in the realm of alternative health and fitness. First to bring Pilates to the masses, her award-winning videos and DVDs, The Method Series, Jennifer Kries’s Pilates Method and Fox/Fit TV’s, The Method Show, revolutionized the fitness community, paving the way for the current wave of enthusiasm for Pilates mind-body exercise.
One of the country’s preeminent Pilates master teachers, she is responsible for launching many of today’s most respected professionals who teach either traditional Pilates or The Method, her trademark mind-body synthesis: Pilates, yoga, and dance. She is the founder of New York’s, Balance Pilates, Yoga, and Dance, Hot Body Cool Mind—The Studio in Philadelphia, Artistic Director and Founder of Contemporary Dance Theatre New York and most recently, creator and producer of yet two other ground-breaking DVD series, Jennifer Kries’ Pilates Method Master Trainer Series and Hot Body Cool Mind: The Life Force Power Workout!
Her approach to fitness and wellness is unsurpassed. Jennifer brings unmatched clarity and an extraordinary perspective to her teaching. She has inspired countless readers, practitioners, graduates of her programs, and viewers alike to embrace her all-encompassing philosophy of movement, art, health, life and energy. Through her inspiring work, she helps people transform far more than their bodies, enabling them to tap into a reserve of power never before experienced. Her attention to detail, superb teaching style, artistry, and knowledge of Eastern healing techniques, anatomy and energy dynamics makes her one of the most highly sought-after mind-body teachers in the world today.
For more information on Jennifer and her Pilates and other fitness DVDs, visit her website: www.jenniferkries.com
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Parts Whole
I started playing organized hockey again. I played a couple of times last year, pick up, but not organized, not like I was when I played in California in Burbank and Pasadena. There they would have an actual draft, where they would make you do drills and try to set up the teams evenly so there wasn't one team that was loaded with great players and the rest with average players like me.
Hockey means a lot to me. Its hard to explain why. Some things are just your passion, they get into your blood. I started playing in my mid 30s, wanted to exercise and didn't think I would go to the gym that much, so I used my tax refund to buy hockey gear at a store in Woodland Hills, CA. Out of all places to get into hockey, go figure I get into it in California. Never been one to follow the norm.
2007 was a hard year for me hockey wise. Not only did I find out my diagnosis on the last day of Red Wings Training camp but I had to tell my team that I had cancer and I couldn't play that year. That was hard. We had a beginning of the season party and I didn't tell anyone until then. Everyone was shocked.
I was hoping that I could play that year. That hope was dashed when I had my port put in. No contact sports. I would have that port in until 2009.
Two frickin years.
Two years of not playing hockey.
That was hard. Obviously going through chemo, radiation, surgeries and all the crap that went with it was hard, but not playing was hard.
Hockey is cathartic for me.
It is zen for me.
There is something about the stillness about getting on a freshly zambonied sheet of ice. Hearing your skate blades hit the ice for the first time. Skating a few times around the rink. Doing some stretches. Then getting into the game.
If everything is going crazy in the world the ice is the one place where everything makes sense. I think everyone has one of those places. For me it just happens to be a rink.
Not being able to skate and to play made me feel less like me. Trying other sports or activities to fill the void just didn't cut it.
Something was missing.
Something that was a part of me.
As I got dressed in the locker room with some of the ladies that I have played with before I felt a sense of peace that I haven't felt in a while.
Stepping out onto the ice I felt shaky. But skating is like riding a bike you never forget.
We did drills and did a draft for teams and then we scrimmaged. There were players on the ice that were better than me and some that were not.
As I sat on the bench between plays all I kept thinking was this:
I beat cancer I can do anything on the ice.
I'll keep you posted when I net my first hat trick.
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes
Saturday, November 6, 2010
A Positive Ripple Effect
A while ago I was asked to write an article for a magazine. I can't even recall how long ago that was, I blame chemo brain for that. Some things I just can't retain. I try to get used to it but it is still frustrating as hell...
Its not like I submit things all the time. I don't. Most of the time I just write on my blog or submit to a few things here or there. So when I got the email from Brent from Empoweradio.com. I was like "oh yeah, sweet!!"
Imagine my surprise when I opened up the email link for the magazine and I saw my name on the cover.
Wow.
I am grateful to Kim and Cheryl the creators of the magazine to be included in the premiere issue.
I am honored and humbled to be on the cover.
I am glad there is a magazine that is spreading positive messages out there.
Check out A Positive Ripple Effect. My article is on page 34. Please check out the entire magazine, and share it with your friends.
Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now and also available on Itunes.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wow!!!!!! This blog was named on of the 15 Inspiring Breast Cancer blogs by Toponlinecolleges.com
Wow I am honored and humbled to be named among this amazing list of breast cancer survivors.
Thank you to everyone at Toponlinecolleges.com and thank you everyone for continuing to read about my cancer journey. I always have to thank Matt Zachary for letting me blog on stupid cancer.
Mel is the producer/cohost of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Tug of war
I have been thinking about blogging about this for a while now.
Many things have happened recently that have made me want to put fingers to the keyboard. If you are a constant reader of this blog then you know a good friend of mine passed away from cancer recently. It has been hard to say the least. Add to that the mountain of debt that keeps getting larger, chemo brain, which frustrates the shit out of me, I don't knowing what I want to say but not having my brain fire synapses correctly, neuropathy, having to take x amount of pills at so and so times, etc, etc, etc.
Some days I feel like Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill.
My mind is alway working constantly, either thinking about work, or advocacy, or how I can help someone out, hockey, whatever, it doesn't shut off. You could look at me and see me sitting calmly at work at the computer or talking on the air, my brain is constantly thinking, (yeah I know I just said I have chemo brain, comes and goes, like the mogwai in the movie Gremlins, don't get it wet, don't feed it after midnight, if only it was that easy to predict when it would kick in)
I battle constantly with this, all rolling around in my head like many tornadoes. Its frustrating. No wonder I don't know how to relax.
Yeah you read that right. I don't know how to relax
I can sit still but I can't relax. I can't really sleep either I can't sleep unless I am medicated, I have a mouthguard in at night so I don't grind the shit out of my teeth.
You know when people get a massage they get all relaxed and go to that happy place, maybe even fall asleep, I don't. I used to, but I don't know what happened. I have gotten some great massages here, and they have worked out knots and tension in my muscles. But I can't relax during the massage. I don't know why.
I did the reeling and healing midwest program for cancer survivors, a 2 day fly fishing retreat close to where I live. I know you are thinking what the hell does fly fishing have to do with cancer. Well let me tell you. It does help you relax, standing in the water there, with your guide, and nature. I figured out how to relax.
Unfortunately I can't take the stream and all of nature with me all the time. Yes the program is totally awesome, and I would recommend it in a heartbeat,and it helped me, but not being able to relax is something I am trying to overcome.
I found a brochure for a pilates program that a local studio was putting on. It was for breast cancer survivors, designed by a survivor. It was free, I called, they had to wait for enough participants before they could start the class.
So a few weeks later there I was in class with 3 other survivors, all at various stages of survivorship,all of us were well past surgery.
We were all there not knowing what to expect.
It was an eight week mat class, doing various exercises to strengthen the core and the muscles around where women would have had mastectomies, lumpectomies and lymph node removal.
Now I wouldn't have thought that something that may look like to the average person, a bunch of simple stretches would have any kind of impact on me, except for maybe getting a little toned.
But it did.
I have written before about my constant struggle with depression, yes I am on meds, but sometimes the mind can over come the meds, a tug of war in my head, dealing with the many mini tornadoes in my head and just survivorship of everyday.
I do maintain a positive mental attitude
But some days are harder than others.
Doing the pink ribbon pilates program with the other survivors helped me to find my comfort zone within my self. Lets face it having cancer and survivorship takes you completely way out of your comfort zone.
But with pilates it has forced me back in.
And helped me to relax...
A little more than before.
That is something I still need to work on, but I am slowly chipping away at that stone.
I found this quote and I will leave you with it:
Some of the greatest battles will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul.
Ezra Taft Benson
Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-Noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now and also available on itunes.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Relationship with cancer
There has been a lot of talk about how Catherine Zeta Jones has reacted to Michael Douglas' cancer and how she is not planning on going with him to his chemo and radiation treatments. She has come under fire from all sides about how heartless she is, how can she not be with him during this difficult time. She said that she didn't think she could see him like that, that maybe she should be stronger emotionally but she just isn't.
When I was diagnosed I had several friends disappear. And I was pissed. Pissed for a long time. How could my friends just go away? Don't they see that I need them? Yeah I felt that way for a good 2 years. But then I realized something. I didn't know what their relationship with cancer is. Maybe they had someone close to them die, maybe they watch tv and see the fictionalized version of what happens, maybe they are just scared and don't want to see their friend go through treatment. It took me a long time to get over my anger at them.
So who are we to judge her and how she feels? How she relates to cancer? Because we know how we react? As survivors? As caregivers, friends, family, co-workers?
Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones live in Hollywood. Its a fishbowl. They can't go anywhere without the paparazzi snapping photos and posting online and in the tabloids. I know. I lived and worked there for 10 years behind the scenes on television and award shows. Its a different world out there. Imagine if every move you made was documented in print and on tv for everyone to talk about, to gossip about. How would you feel?
Now add on a cancer diagnosis to that. Paparazzi are probably swarming whatever hospital Michael Douglas is at hoping to snap a photo of him at his most vulnerable. All for a quick buck.
Now imagine that was you. During treatment. At the time when you feel the lowest, the shittiest, the worst you will probably ever feel. Walking to your car. Someone takes a picture for all the world to see.
So yeah, I am not upset with Catherine Zeta Jones. As my friend Donald Wilhelm would say, hey "it is what it is."
It's their journey. Not mine
I have my own journey.
Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand and on Itunes
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Its (fill in cancer type) awareness month
Its September. Its Prostate, Ovarian, Childhood, Thryoid & Gynecological awareness month. Everyone grab your ribbon color of choice and wear it proudly.
I am a breast cancer survivor, we get a month, and pink is plastered everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE, it sells everything from hair brushes (ironic since most breast cancer survivors lose their hair) to tuna fish and toilet paper (Wipe for the cure??)
So I go into the grocery store and do shopping as I usually do and I don't see any thing yellow or teal or blue promoting childhood, ovarian or prostate cancer awareness. Why is that? My cancer isn't any more or less important than any other cancer survivor. The only thing I have seen on tv or in the stores was a Hyundai commercial stating that they would donate a certain percentage of car sales to childhood cancer awareness.
At least someone is doing something right?
I consider myself a cancer advocate, not just for breast cancer, but for all cancers, even if it is one I can't pronounce or have never heard of. Its ridiculous in my opinion to give cancers certain months. I was diagnosed in September, cancer didn't wait for its allotted month to strike me. Cancer doesn't do that. Those of us who have been diagnosed know that.
We shouldn't wait until a certain month to raise awareness for any type of cancer, and the whole cancer awareness thing really gets me, is there anyone anywhere who isn't aware that there is cancer? If I buy chicken of the sea with a pink ribbon on it the money should go towards research, helping other survivors, finding a cure, finding better meds to deal with the cancer, not for awareness.
During the Cancer Treatment Centers of America Empowerment Rally I was fortunate to meet in person, after being a I guess for lack of a better term a" friend in the virtual world" Matthew Zachary, founder or I'm Too Young for This! a foundation that helps young adult survivors. We shared a ride to the airport and we were discussing cancer "awareness" Basically he said we should think of the body as a whole, not as parts, all the organizations should help each other. I totally agree. Yeah, you might think breasts are sexy and they sell, but if you don't have the lungs behind them to work or the brain to think or skin, then what are they? Just another body part with cancer.
So yeah for me every month is cancer awareness/advocacy month. Until there is a cure.
Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand and on Itunes.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Help Beat the Clock on Cervical Cancer
Another Guest Blogger Enjoy
In September 2009, I did a cervical cancer walk (Walk to beat the clock, organized by non-profit Tamika & Friends). At the walk, I found inspiration in seeing so many cervical cancer survivors telling their stories to help other women understand that through awareness and prevention, this disease can be entirely eliminated. So, I joined the movement and now I am the President of Tamika & Friends’ New York City Chapter. Tamika & Friends is a national non-profit organization dedicated to raising awareness about cervical cancer and its link to the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). It was founded in 2005 by cervical cancer survivor and advocate Tamika Felder.
On September 25, Tamika & Friends is having their 3rd annual NYC Walk to Beat the Clock to help beat the clock on cervical cancer. We want to publicly celebrate women who have survived, remember those who have lost their battle, support those who fight cervical cancer today and educate women on how to prevent a cervical cancer diagnosis all together!
Cervical Cancer is almost 100% preventable, yet 11 women die each day from this disease. I do not want any other woman to go through what I did and become another statistic. I am committed to the eradication of cervical cancer along with Tamika & Friends.
Patti Murillo-Casa
Cervical Cancer Survivor
President, NYC Chapter, Tamika & Friends
Monday, August 16, 2010
A review of Showtime's The Big c
Hollywood never ceases to amaze me. I worked there for 10 years in the television industry, working on everything from award shows to movies of the week to sitcoms to drama. So I know when hollywood creates something like the series The Big c I have to suspend my disbelief (and oh, if you are not a frequent reader of my blog then I will tell you I don't capitalize the word cancer, gives it too much power, so even just the letter c in a title, sorry not going to do it.)
Laura Linney's character Cathy Jameson is told she has stage IV melanoma and only has a year or so to live. She is in obvious shock and decides to forgo chemo (she doesn't want to lose her hair) and doesn't get a second opinion. Right, you only have a year to live. Ok thanks for the news doc, I will take your word for it. Bye now...
I know many stage IV survivors who were given their "expiration date" by doctors who are still here, past that date, fighting, alive and kicking.
In the pilot episode Cathy doesn't tell her husband or her son about her cancer diagnosis. Some may think this is selfish, but I get this part. Cancer is scary, and in the midst of a diagnosis it is hard to process anything. So yeah I understand. It took me a while to tell people about my diagnosis. Some people knew right away, others knew later. For me it was hard to keep telling the story over and over and over again.
Linney's character decides that she needs to start living, she has been an uptight housewife for too long. She wants to let her freak flag fly (I didn't make that up it was on the showtime site for the show) I understand she wants to let loose, who wouldn't want to tell people exactly what they think of them, or build a pool in the front yard, ( I live in an apartment complex, so I think the manager would be upset if I started digging up the place) but it doesn't give you the right to treat people like crap, like telling one of her students she has to be fat and jolly or be the skinny bitch. Sure, like that student wouldn't go straight to the schools administration and tell them what she said.
I felt that her character was very unlikeable at the beginning of the show, and really had few redeeming qualities. Perhaps the writers felt that this was important so we see her go through her transformation into someone living life to the fullest.
The jury is still out for me on this show. I try not to make a judgement on a show based upon one episode. Given the subject matter and the cast, I will continue to watch this hollywood version of cancer, and suspend my disbelief
Mel is the producer~co-host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio. Available on demand and also available on Itunes
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