Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts

Monday, December 31, 2012

In Retrospect


Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?
Never really sure what that song meant... Should we forget about the past and not think about it? Or never forget it. Not really sure.
2012 has been an interesting year for me.  
One of great happiness, as well as great sadness.
I celebrated my 5 year anniversary of being cancer free.
And I also lost some good friends along the way.
People like me, who have faced their own mortality, realize how precious life is.

How important it is not to waste even a second of it.
If you are full of hate you miss out on joy
If you are angry you won't be happy.

If you worry  you won't have hope.
You never know when the last time you will see someone will be.
One of my friends passed away this year suddenly from a stroke.
She was one of the greatest people I have ever known.
I still remember the last time I saw her, it was like any other day.
I watched her walk away with her coffee as I was continuing my job,
I had no idea it would be the last time I saw her.
Tell those important to you that you love them.
Know that everyone who comes into your life is there for a reason.
Enjoy every day.  
Drink in the sheer awesomeness that is life, and this earth.
Life is precious.
Enjoy every second of it.
There are 31,536,000 seconds in a year.
 Don't waste any of them.


I'll leave you and 2012 with this quote from John Hughes, from the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off:

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com.  Available on demand, on Itunes and on the Podcasts app on your iphone


Monday, October 22, 2012

Help Chris Ryff



BLOG REPRINTED BY PERMISSION

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Chris Ryff is a father of a 2 year old boy, a devoted husband, a much loved son, a loyal brother and a good friend to so many.  He is also fighting a battle against stage IV breast cancer in which time is not on his side.  Chris has identified a potentially life saving treatment called Personalized Gene Targeted Therapy at the Burzynski Clinic in Texas, which he believes is his best option at this stage of the disease.  We estimate that the cost of treatments, travel to the clinic and lost wages during this time could be around $60,000. 

We have created this page in an effort to chip away at these costs so Chris can focus on beating this disease. Please give generously and forward to others and ask that they give too.  


You can see a video of Chris and his family here during a recent photo shoot

Here is the link to the wepay page we've set up to donate for Chris and his family.
 -or-
To contribute by check, please make check out to exactly: William C. Ryff
And mail to:
RCF
Post Office Box #834
Ridgefield, CT 06877

Pay it forward.  Because it rocks....

Monday, April 23, 2012

A Hero Named Holden


Another guest blogger, Enjoy

The word “cancer” sends chills of fear down the spines of just about anyone – but it might be most terrifying for a parent who hears the diagnosis for his or her child.

That was the case for the Harless family. An MRI at the Riley Hospital for Children at IU Health revealed their worst fears: the source of the back pain that their two-year-old son, Holden, had been complaining of was a spine tumor, not constipation as one doctor wrongfully diagnosed it.

But today, Holden runs around the family farm with the energetic abandon of a healthy eight-year-old.  He’s a heroic survivor and an example of the many triumphs being celebrated at the Riley Hospital for Children Cancer Center, the only such facility in Indiana and a recognized national leader in clinical care and research in cancers that affect children.

According to the National Cancer Institute (NCI), fewer than two American children out of every 10,000 under age 15 develop cancer. While relatively rare for children, cancer is still the second leading cause of death for Americans 1 to 14 years of age, after accidents. The American Cancer Society reports that in 2007, about 10,400 American children under age 15 were diagnosed with cancer and that about 1,545 children die from the disease each year.

Cancers of the central nervous system (CNS)—the brain, brain stem and spinal cord—are the second most frequent malignancy affecting children, and are more common in those under 7, like Holden. And the prognosis for children diagnosed with CNS cancer is less favorable than for other forms of childhood cancer, such as acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

Understandably, “terrifying” is the word Holden’s mother uses to describe the moment she heard his diagnosis. Even more frightening was the choice she faced: allow Holden to undergo surgery, or expect that in six months, without surgery, her son could be paralyzed and never walk again.

That the Harless family encountered such a grim prospect is unbelievable. That is, it’s unbelievable when you see Holden today, brimming with energy and the picture of health. That’s because the Harless family chose surgery, after discussing the options at Riley with pediatric neurosurgeon Jodi Smith, M.D.


Survival rates of children with cancer are on the upswing, according to a study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Childhood leukemia death rates fell by 3% a year, from 1990 to 2004, the study found, compared to 1% a year for childhood brain and other nervous system cancers. The CDC says improved treatment of childhood cancers is the likely reason for this.

All Mrs. Harless knows, and is thankful for, is that after Holden's surgery, “Dr. Jodi said Holden had done great and that it went better than she could have hoped for. All the doctors were great there. The physical therapists, the neurosurgeons, everyone was phenomenal. I can't thank Riley enough for what they did for Holden. They gave us our family and basically his life."


About the Author:  Jon Dawson is an attorney and professional writer in Indianapolis. He has first-hand experience with pediatric cancer as he lost his sister to the disease. Jon writes on behalf of IUHealth and also contributes to several blogs including www.DoseOfMyOwn.com.





Monday, February 6, 2012

My dinner with Susan



Remember when you were in school and the teacher asked you to pick one person dead or alive from any time in history to have dinner with, to talk to, to gain words of wisdom from?  I do.  I can't recall who I picked, but family members aside (yes Dad, you would be first, as long as dinner would include your delicious goulash)  I would pick Susan Komen to sit down and have dinner with.

"What???"  You are thinking...

"All the amazing people throughout history and you pick her?"

I am a bit of a history buff, I love the stories of how our country was founded, hey I grew up in one of the 13 original colonies, can't help that, and the whole story of Pearl Harbor intrigues me, but yes even with the chance of having dinner with John Adams or George Washington, I pick Susan G. Komen.

As any cancer survivor knows her battle and unfortunate death because of cancer started the Susan G. Komen foundation.

Nancy Brinker.

Susan Komen's sister.

Her name instills anger in many cancer survivors, because of the recent uproar over "pinkwashing", something I had written about in 2008 on the stupid cancer blog.

and then again dear dear Nancy and her Komen foundation created Promise Me perfume, ironically which could cause cancer, and most of us have issues with strong fragrances while going through chemo and well beyond that.

And now pulling funding from planned parenthood, which it seems to be a political move, and many assume that the poor and un and underinsured will not be able to get mammograms.

Then panic sets in.

Now lets be honest, Planned Parenthood isn't the only place women can get mammograms or cancer information. There is no need to press the panic button.

Komen however did press that panic button and decided to rescind their decision on  funding planned parenthood

Dinner time.

I can imagine Susan and I sitting down to dinner.

I think the first thing I would show her is the Komen website, show her where it says about Susan, which is little more than a glossed over story about Nancy.

Tell her that even though her sister has taken the pink ribbon and tried to sue other organizations for using it, as well as suing other organizations who use for the cure as if breast cancer is the only cancer we want cured.

Let her know that it was in fact Evelyn Lauder who created the pink ribbon campaign, and the Estee Lauder foundation has not tried to sue other organizations for use of the pink ribbon.

By this time I can imagine Susan is silent.  Wondering how this all has happened.  How an organization that was founded through, what I am sure was love, has become so large, so hated by many, including the very cancer survivors the organization was founded for.

I wish I could actually have this dinner, have this conversation. 

Wonder what she would say that her sister can't see the cancer awareness forest for the pink trees? 

Ask her how putting a pink ribbon on friskies or alcohol furthers research and awareness.

But I can't

I can only wonder how her sister Nancy became so far removed from what she started

for Susan.



Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Those three little words...



That was my dinner tonight.  Pancakes and bacon.  Everyone loves bacon right?  And pancakes make everything better (well they do, especially after visiting the emergency room twice in one night a month after starting chemo.)

So I started thinking, if my dinner could make my cancer come back.

Not like that is possible.  No one really knows what caused my cancer.

"I'm sorry Mel," the doctor would say," you shouldn't have had that pancake and bacon dinner on January 18,2012You should have stuck to your regular diet of chicken or fish and veggies."

Of course its in the waayyy back of my mind about recurrance, but its always there.  Floating around like a little bubble, sometimes you see it, sometimes you don't.

I had the latest issue of Cure Magazine next to me.  The title was "What caused my cancer?"

"I don't know."

Those three little words that I have heard so often from my doctors.

Could my cancer have been caused by my biological grandmother having cancer? 

Was it living in the San Fernando Valley for 10 years with all that smog?

Or perhaps it was working at that fancy restaurant that used to be an old cement factory.

Maybe it was just dumb fucking luck.

"I don't know."

Who is more frustrated, me the patient or my doctor?

I expect my doctor to know everything, but after all, they are just people, but shouldn't they know everything? 

We think that when we are crying about our diagnosis, or upset about a new illness, possibly brought on by our treatment for cancer.

Yep, those three words.

Think about how hard it would be to say those words to someone, when they look to you for the answers and yet you have none.

That must be extremely hard.

How hard?

I don't know....

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes. 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Interview on BBC radio program World Have Your Say


BBC World Have Your Say Interview with The Cancer Warrior Dec 16,2011 from Cancer Warrior on Vimeo.

I was honored and humbled to be requested by the BBC to speak about "The Topic of Cancer"  Here is my segment on the program.

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com.  Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

FIGHT





Another guest blogger enjoy

To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
My Dad died a year ago. Esophageal cancer. It was a choice he made. No, no, no… not to GET cancer – but to not treat it. The doctors all said it was contained and curable. He just didn’t want to fight it. At the time I couldn’t understand. Not that I do now… but a year’s worth of time does change a person’s opinions. I honestly don’t think he had any idea what he was in store for. Essentially he ‘committed suicide by cancer’. I wrote a blog about it via my friend The Cancer Warrior last October.

Boy, was I pissed when I wrote that. The day after writing it, I bought a one-way ticket to NH from TX to help my Mom help my Dad leaving my two kids at home. We took care of my Dad at home. He died while I was holding his hand. I’m glad I went. I'm glad that some of his last words were to me.

I have no regrets. He, however, did.

The week before he died, my Uncle, Dad’s little brother, came to see him, ‘one last time’.

My Uncle had just been diagnosed with melanoma in his lungs, lymph nodes and various patches on his skin.

His PET scan lit up like a friggin' Christmas tree of the worst kind.

He tried to talk to my Dad, but his cancer had eaten him alive, his voice was essentially gone. But he made sure my Uncle sat close and heard every word he said… He said,

‘Fight’

Dad regretted his decision to ‘let nature take its course’. I’m glad he did voice that regret. It made it easier on my family to know that he didn’t want to leave us.

We just discovered last week that my Uncle’s PET scan is now clean. He’s missing part of a lung, all of his lymph nodes and chunks of skin. But, what a small price to pay when you think of the alternative.

‘Fight’

Fight, my friends. You are stronger than you know.

As Emerson said, if ‘even one life has breathed easier because you have lived..’ you have had a successful life.

Thanks for the great advice once again, Dad, and please know you indeed lived a successful life and were loved.

About the author:  Amy Lord Gonzalez
bio:
Transplanted New Hampshire girl, currently residing in the country of Texas. Stay-at-home mom, rock star wife who makes a mean enchilada and still cheers for the Red Sox and Patriots from afar.
contact info: icknamy@yahoo.com

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Hockey Fights Cancer night at Joe Louis Arena



I had Bekki Nill on my podcast last year.  She is the wife of the Assistant General Manager of the Detroit Red Wings.  She is also a breast cancer survivor.  She invited me to the Hockey Fights Cancer night at the Joe Louis Arena.  Every hockey team has a HFC night.  It is " a joint initiative founded in December 1998 by the National Hockey League and the National Hockey League Players' Association to raise money and awareness for hockey's most important fight."   That is off of NHL.com.  Needless to say I am happy that the NHL sees the need for more funding going towards cancer, and if you can catch a hockey game in the process, well then I am all for it.

It was my first professional sports game I had been to since diagnosis, and the first game I had seen in a suite since I moved from California to Michigan.

Watching the teams warm up made me want to get on the ice and skate.  I hadn't played since March, and there is just something about the sport of hockey that speaks to me in a way that nothing else does.

Watching the game from the suite was an amazing experience.  As I sat there watching the game, the players, I felt good.  Better than I had in a long time.  I think my friend Ashley (another cancer survivor)  and I were the only ones into the game, and I get really into the game.

I honestly and truly appreciate Bekki Nill's invitation to Hockey Fights Cancer night at the Joe.  Probably more than she realizes.



The Red Wings helped me fight cancer.

Hockey helped me fight cancer.


And it still helps me now through survivorship.

As I think of that night and look through the goodie bag full of stuff I will always be grateful to the Wings, and especially to Bekki, and her husband John for what they have given me, not the autographed Lidstrom puck or the pink hat with the Winged Wheel.  

But for something more. 


They keep me skating, and advocating.

Hockey really does fight cancer.

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com.  Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Celebration???



September 18th I will celebrate 4 years of being cancer free.

Most people go by the date they were diagnosed.

I always get more introspective closer to the date of my diagnosis.  I read old blog posts of mine, sometimes not believing how far I have come, and yet still how far I have to go.

Does anyone else find it strange that we celebrate a day that changed everything?

Don't get me wrong.  I am grateful for early detection.  For my doctors.  For the planets aligning for everything to have gone well so far.  I am grateful to God.

But celebrate a day that started out great and ended in a way I could not imagine.  In a way that changed my life forever?  In some good ways, in some bad.

Coming up on four years cancer free.  I am grateful I am here, and fighting the fight.

I am not celebrating the fact I had cancer.

I am celebrating the fact I found it in time, and that I am here, and that my doctors are, in my eyes, rockstars.

So if you see me with a sly grin you will know why.

Suck on that cancer.


Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The art of language



Everything has its own language.  For example, if you were to sit down next to me and I started talking about hockey and you had no idea what a shot on goal, PIM, one timer was, you would think, what the hell is she talking about.

Language, words.  Everybody has a hobby or a job that has its own language or terminology.  My friend owns a pilates studio. Before I started taking pilates you told me well today we are getting on the cadillac and doing the one hundred, then we will do the tree and the elephant.  I would think wait, we are getting in a car and what going to the zoo.  ( I haven't done pilates in a while but I know you cant do the elephant on the cadillac, or at least I am pretty sure) 

Another friend of mine chemobabe is a math professor.  That has its own language too.  If someone came up to me and started talking about word problems, fractions or pi my eyes would start to glaze over and I wouldn't understand what they are talking about.  (Did I tell you I totally sucked at math in high school?)

Language. 

There is a language I have learned that I wish I didn't know.  The language of cancer.  The medical terminology that comes with being a cancer patient/survivor.  I can talk at lengths about zofran, chemobrain, side effects of herceptin, adrymicin.  Tell you how good Biafine felt after radiation. Talk about muga scans, ct scans, insomnia, constipation.  Tell you how it sucks when I get depressed. Language.

I hate knowing that language.  I wish I was blissfully ignorant of terms like chemo fatigue, neuropathy & left ventricle ejection fraction.

But I know them. 

As cancer survivors we all know them.  Unfortunately it is not like a foreign language where you get a semester to learn what everything means.  You are essentially tossed off the boat into the ocean, where you have to swim and figure this shit out either on your own, or with the help of friends, family and the internet.

Fortunately there are enough of us out there to help if you find yourself stuck in that ocean.  The sea of words.

I'll be around to toss you a life preserver and help you out.

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.



Monday, August 8, 2011

Warrior Dash


Before I got cancer I never understood why survivors did marathons, bike races and other endurance events taht they probably would have never done before.  I ran in high school.  Lettered in cross country.  Only ran one year.  I hated it.  Hated running.  I did better when I didn't run between meets.  Ironic I know.  We had 5 girls on the team.  I always came in last of our team.  I can't recall how I did overall.


Now I understand.

Cancer takes a lot of out of you.  It can make you feel weak in an instant when you were feeling so good.

Chemo fatigue.

Radiation fatigue

Fatigue from fucking who knows what.

As a cancer survivor I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.  When I was ready I got back to the gym.  Hopped back on the bike.  Jumped over the boards and back on the ice.

I participated in a 5k obstacle course called warrior dash.  I was going to train for it, but like I said, I hadn't ran since high school, and that was oh so many years ago, and my sad attempts at training reminded me why I hated to run.  No one ever looks happy when they are running.  At least not until they are finished running.

So we briskly walked the course.  Did all the obstacles. Got covered in mud. Jumped over flames.  Yes flames.  Crawled under barbed wire.  Finished the race.

Most people were surprised that I did I 5k.  I tell people I only run when chased.

Yeah I had fun at the race, with my friends.

But the Dash meant more than that...

So the next time you see a cancer survivor run a marathon, do a triathalon, or even climb a mountain, you don't need to wonder why.

Now you know.




Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.
 

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Monster Within


We have all heard the verdict in the Casey Anthony trial.  Most of America was captivated by this case.  Most people are outraged by the verdict.

I didn't get into it.  It wasn't the crime of the century.  Yes it was, and well still is, a tragic story.  Most people think Casey Anthony is a monster, a killer. 

Casey Anthony has, if she is indeed guilty only killed one person.

I have a monster in me.  I didn't know I had it in me.  Many of my friends do as well

The monster is cancer.

This monster kills more than one innocent child.

It kills thousands a year.

Kids like Ellie Potvin:


and MacKenzie Stuck:
Why isn't there coverage every night on the major news channels about this?  Why doesn't the fact that a disease takes so much from so many, kids as well as adults, get broadcast every night?

Where is the outrage?

There is no tangible villain to see, no young mother who would rather party than spend time with her daughter.  No person we can look at and hate.  No one to get angry at.

Like I have said.  I was not captivated by the trial.  I am not outraged by the verdict.  When I look at Casey Anthony I don't see someone scary.

The monster with in me:  (that is a breast cancer cell pictured below)



 potentially in all of us, is a hell of a lot scarier.

Film at 11?

Probably not..

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Not really much of a choice is it?



Side effects.

The bain of my existance.

I was getting back to feeling like me after I had upped my anti depressant medication.  The new dosage makes me tired. Like I want to nap tired.  Not that naps are a bad thing mind you, but wanting to nap everyday is.

I first thought I was tired because of how early I get up for my job, but medication tired is different than regular tired or lack of sleep tired. 

Frustrating.

Some days its hard dealing with these side effects.  I put cancer out of my head then it creeps back in in these subtle ways.  Being tired from my medication is another reminder.  Fighting to stay awake reminds me.

Its not like I have a choice.  I can't go off of my meds.  I upped my dosage to put me back to normal.  Because I didn't want to spiral downward again. That is a place I do not want to go to. A place I cannot go to.

So I struggle yet again, with an inner battle. Hoping that it will slowly dissipate, and I will be less tired.

Hoping this will be the last side effect I will have to deal with for a while.

Oprah Winfrey said "Where there is no struggle, there is no strength."

Yeah, but I am sick of being so damn strong all the time...



Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

My Love/Hate Relationship With The Net


 Another guest blogger. Enjoy

There are a lot of things I don't like about Facebook, Twitter and the Internet.


I don't like how the Internet splits up our information source--so instead of everyone reading a headline and then forming opinions on it, we get news from so many separate and sometimes unequal places of knowledge (Huffington Post, the Drudge Report, CNN) that the credibility of the facts we get are oftentimes up for grabs.

I don't like that search engines--like Google for example--apparently track the kind of links we click on, keep score, and then "feed" us what they think we want to read when we next search a topic. The engines filter our information based on our past choices, which is okay if there's a disclaimer on top of the screen that says "Hey, I'm giving you this because you last clicked "Paris Hilton" when you were eating that gallon of ice cream and having a down day about your break up when you last searched Paris. Do you really want me to send you to a similar kind of meaningless, airy website about an heiress who does mindless things with her millions with today's new search for "Paris" or do you want to learn about the real city, its history and culture?"

All of this means you and I may not get the same knowledge about politics or food or what's going on in Afghanistan--and that leads to a much grander worry that the world will become more separate than equal. And now that I've scared you, let me tell you what I love about Facebook, Twitter and the Internet. I love--and I mean LOVE--that I can reach out to people all over the world in a moment of fear and doubt and get help when I need it. Like this week for example--

when I got an email about a doctor in Texas who allegedly has the "cure" for cancer, but--and this is where it gets scary for me--has been allegedly "suppressed" by the FDA and the government. Talk about hitting me in my sweet spot--I got so worried and upset I spent three hours googling, searching and otherwise trying to find out who this doctor is and what his treatments are--and worse, if I've been sold a bill of goods by the entire medical establishment over these last 7 years as I try to (now) beat back metastatic breast cancer at age 45.

I'm still working on that last part--I have no idea what to say about Dr. Burzynski and his antineoplastons. I'll keep googling--and asking questions, and using the Internet to help me separate fact from fiction. And for that I am FOREVER grateful for cyberspace and all of our choices out there--whether I've been handed them on a silver search platter or not.

But I absolutely LOVE Facebook, Twitter and the Internet for this one reason--my friends out there who are helping me weigh in on this huge, important, life-in-the-balance matter by reading what I post, doing their own research and then commenting and helping me figure this mess out. I know our IT World is a crazy one--full of potential misrepresentations, mistakes and misnomers--

but knowing I have people from San Francisco to an island 20 miles off the coast of Maine helping me figure out my scared-out-of-my-wits fears-for-my-life makes me feel like I am not alone--that I can do this, I will figure it out.

And if that's the price I pay for spliced up news and misdirected cyber information, I'll pay that bill-- all day long.

About the Guest blogger: Ann Murray Paige is the author of 'pink tips. breast cancer advice from someone who's been there,' available at www.annmurraypaige.com.  She is an award-winning writer, co-founder of the breast cancer non-profit Project Pink, mother, wife, blogger and breast cancer fighter now battling metastatic breast cancer.  Read her blog, "Ann's Diary" at www.projectpinkdiary.com

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

PUSH


Last week I went out with a couple of friends of mine for a day trip.  We went just a couple hours away to just have lunch, go shopping, girls day out. 

I have new hours at work.  I start work at 5:45am and work until noon, sometimes later on during the day.  I should go to bed early, but being a night owl is hard to give up.  I just can't get my ass in bed before 11pm on most nights.

So back to the trip.  It was a great day with friends. Started out about 10am and we got back home around 5 or 6pm.  Great food, a lot of laughs and some shopping thrown in there.

I didn't realize how much the trip to a town just an hour and a half away would wipe me out.  I didn't drive.  I have to ride up front, if I sit in the back seat I get car sick.  Always asking to sit in the front seat is a little embarrassing for me, but it beats the alternative.   Chemo made tolerance for that worse.

When I got home I had that fatigued feeling.  The same feeling I got when I was going through chemo, that tired worn out feeling.

Now being a 3 year survivor I would have thought that feeling like that would be gone.  But no, it isn't.

Being a cancer survivor is hard sometimes.  You do things you did before you had cancer, expecting it to be what it was like before, sometimes it is, sometimes it is not. 

This time it was not.  The fatigue I felt felt exactly like chemo fatigue.  Feelings like that can bring you right back to a particular moment.

Remembering how shitty you felt, or looked.

Even after playing hockey this season, even after the two times a week pilates session I did in addition to the hockey.

I still have times when I feel like that.

I hate that.

I have to remember that it still takes time to heal from cancer, even after three years.

I have to remember that I still have to push myself sometimes to get back to where I was before.

Or push myself past that, to be better than I was.

That is the place I want to be.

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Monday, February 28, 2011

The Long and Winding Road


Those of you who are frequent readers of this post know I like to exercise.  Makes me feel good, it slowly gets me back to where I was before all of this. Before cancer, before side effects, before I knew so many medical terms one of my doctors asked me if I was in the medical industry, unfortunately, no I am just a student of my disease.
So I have decided to try to take up running again.  I haven't run since high school when I ran cross country. I lettered in that. Still have the varsity jacket, and it still fits.

Running will definitely take me out of my comfort zone. I haven't run since high school because of my knees, and well, quite honestly running never really appealled to me, probably because of the growing pains I had with my knees.  I only ran the one year for cross country, and after I lettered I guess I wasn't that interested in it. 

In high school I wasn't much of an athlete.  Didn't participate in team sports after  cross country in 9th grade I believe.  I even recall that many of my classmates were on diets, drinking diet coke and worrying about their weight.  I never did that.   Wasn't my thing.

Back to me deciding to run.  I have my reservations wondering if I will enjoy it.  I know it will be hard at first.  Different than what I am used to doing.  In the summer I love to ride my bike on the local bike path.  Nothing like you and your bike and you and the serenity of nature.
 
I have a friend who is going to go running with me.  Train me I guess. She is one of the pilates instructors from pilates midwest, the pilates studio where I did the pink ribbon program and where I currently take pilates classes.  I don't even know if that is the right terminology.  All I know is I enjoy going there and she enjoys kicking my butt.
 
So we did a 5k walk this past Saturday, my friend the pilates instructor, Jan and I walked,while the other pilates instructor ran. It was cold, about 20 degrees outside.  It was good to get outside in the fresh air. 
 
But of course we know, as cancer survivors, nothing is ever easy.
 
I have osteopenia.  I need to do weight bearing exercises to keep the osteoporosis away.  So I thought the walk would be a good addition to the pilates and hockey that I do currently.
 
The next day I noticed my neuropathy flaring up. 
 
So let me get this straight.
 
I am trying to get back into shape with the help of one of my friends, and the walk causes a side effect?
 
The neuropathy doesn't really hurt.  My foot is numb.  Its more of an annoyance, but I would rather it not get back to the point of shooting pain going all the way up my leg to my knee.
 
I am hoping that running will cause a break through and it will go away permanently, and not have it return doing something that I want to do.
 
 
Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Relaxed....

 
 

 
Its been a while since I have written.  Not really sure why that is.  I have written a couple of guest blog posts for some friends of mine, maybe that is why, I am not one of those writers who can just write at the drop of a hat, I have to be inspired. Certain things have happened these past two weeks to inspire me. 

I went to a chiropractor on the advice or my pilates instructors (yes I have two of them, and their styles are both very different and both very good)  I have had pain in my shoulder for quite some time, and it would always get worse at night, nothing like trying to get to sleep in pain.  


Now I have been skeptical of chiropractors because of what my fiance Doug had gone through in California.  Long story short Doug was scheduled for surgery for his shoulder and the chiropractor, who had no permission to practice in the hospital where Doug was, wanted to give him an adjustment the day of his surgery!!  Needless to say the chiropractor didn't, and he was kicked out of the hospital room. 

So yes I was skeptical, but my friends said he would help.  So I went.  I had the xrays taken.  There I saw my crooked spine and my straight neck, 

I have scoliosis, that I knew, and apparently the curvature in your neck is supposed to be at 40%.

Mine is at 10%.  

No wonder my back and neck hurt, oh and I had a rib out of place.  Don't ask me how the hell that happened, but it was out of place.  Another reason for the pain.  The chiropractor told me that he was different than the last chiro I saw (he was in the same town, didn't really remember much of what he did, chemobrain, and didn't have problems with him, just got down to being a financial issue to go to him)
So the chiro did the adjustments.  I wasn't expecting to hear the snap crackle pop of my spine and neck. 

It was amazing.

For the first time, in I can't remember when, I had no pain.  I had an amazing massage the week before, I was actually able to relax during the massage

I told Lynn, my friend, the massage therapist, "Congratulations, you have done something that no one else has done in three years." 

I was able to relax. 
The chiropractor said I would probably sleep better than I have in a while.  I went home and took a nap.  My hours changed at work so I have to be at work at 5:30am, so whenever I can grab a nap I will. 

The only word I can describe how I felt was euphoric.  I felt so good it was almost hard to fall asleep. 


Sleep is that golden chain that ties health and our bodies together. ~ Thomas Dekker

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com


Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.




Sunday, December 19, 2010

Pilates and Beyond by Jennifer Kries



Another guest blogger.   Enjoy
When Mel asked me to write a guest blog on her site, I couldn’t help but marvel at the wonder that Pilates has been in my life to date; forget about the myriad benefits it has provided to myself and millions of others since its debut back at the turn of the last century, but how about the following example, this “water wheel of life” connectivity it has orchestrated around me as long as I have been doing it: Mel is the student of two shining stars in my immediate Pilates stellium: Senior Pilates Teacher, Jan Tirony-Johnson, the owner of my affiliate Mid-West Training Center, Pilates Midwest, and Lynn Descamp, Jan’s “right-hand” an exceptional and dedicated Pilates instructor in her own right. This is what I love about Pilates- the incredible, inevitable legacy that continues in the lives of all of the people it touches, and the way that it can bring people together, who ordinarily would have never had the opportunity to meet, let alone grow and evolve together. And this holds especially true for me in Michigan with Jan and the extraordinary studio community that she has created. I am honored to call her a true and dear friend, as well as an esteemed colleague, and have only the deepest affection and highest regard for her “team,” Lynn, Charisse, and Ashley, among others.


Thank you Mel, for asking me to contribute to your wonderful online forum and to help spread the word about the magic that is Pilates, but most especially, for giving me this opportunity to share just how much your teachers mean to me, and how grateful I am that Pilates helped me to open the door to these incredibly meaningful relationships with the special ladies you work with in Petoskey.

I first discovered Pilates at age thirteen with one of Joseph Pilates’ protégées, the late Eve Gentry at the prestigious School of American Ballet in New York City in what they then called a “Contrology Class,”--- the name Joseph Pilates gave to the technique he developed. Long before anyone knew what it was, we aspiring dancers used Pilates as a secret weapon to strengthen our abdominals and our bodies, so that we could jump higher, turn faster and move with greater precision and grace. I practiced Pilates throughout my professional dance career and it kept me inspired, injury free and powerful!


Pilates had been such an effective and profound mind-body tool, that I felt compelled to share it with the public. After getting certified in the early 90’s, with another one of Joseph Pilates “Master Inheritors,” Romana Kryzanowska, and becoming one of the privileged few “2nd Generation” Pilates Master Instructors, I introduced the Pilates “Mat class” to gym facilities in New York and watched the excitement build … people would have one taste of it and they would be immediately hooked. Even after one class, they felt taller, more energized, more capable and more alive.

I was thrilled to be able to influence the lives of the people in my classes in New York, but I wanted to share this incredible secret with as many people as possible. Serendipitously, one of my loyal students was in video production and said, ”Jennifer, you really should share this with the masses! Let me help you …” In 1998 I premiered the first ever Pilates video under “The Method” title, and just look at Pilates now.

Pilates is a non-impact, non weight-bearing system of physical conditioning that focuses on body placement and increasing awareness of the body’s capabilities and untapped resources. Pilates changes bodies. It makes them fitter, stronger and more attractive. It slims the muscles and makes them longer; it develops sleekness rather than bulk. It turns the abdomen and lower back into a firm, central support for a newly supple and graceful body.

Born near Dusseldorf, Germany in 1880, Joseph Pilates suffered from asthma, rickets and rheumatic fever as a child. His determination and drive to overcome those ailments led to his study of Eastern and Western forms of exercise, including yoga and ancient Greek and Roman regimens. By the time he was fourteen, Pilates had worked so hard at bodybuilding that he was able to pose for anatomical charts and had become a diver, skier and gymnast. When World War I broke out, he was an intern for a year in Lancaster, England, along with other German nationals. While in the camp, he taught his fellow internees the physical fitness program he had developed, and boasted that they would emerge stronger than they were before imprisonment. Those who followed his program resisted the influenza epidemic that swept the nation and killed thousands. He also encountered people who were disabled as a result of wartime injuries, diseases, and incarceration, and began devising machines using the springs from old hospital beds to help in their rehabilitation. These machines were the prototypes of the equipment used in Pilates studios today. 


Pilates believed that the “attainment and maintenance of a uniformly developed body with a sound mind, fully capable of naturally and efficiently performing daily tasks with spontaneous zest and ease” should be the objective for people of all ages and fitness levels.


Pilates’ six principles: concentration, control, centering, breath, flow and precision enable the practitioner to learn to move with maximum efficiency while minimizing stress on the body. You are able to access new levels in your body and create a deeper, more complete feeling of fitness, energy and vitality that remains with you days after your workout.

Pilates exercises make people more aware of their bodies. It helps to improve alignment and breathing and increases efficiency of movement. The focus is on the center of the body---the “powerhouse,” or the “corset muscles,” also known as the stabilizing core muscles of the torso, which support the spine. The rectus abdominus, the central abdominal muscle, running from sternum to pubic bone works in tandem with the transverse abdominus, the deepest of the abdominal muscles, wrapping around the trunk horizontally, acting like a "corset" when engaged. Other muscles that are important in providing good stability in the trunk, are the erector spinae, that run on either side of the spine, the quadratus lumborum and multifidus muscles in the low back, and the intrinsic muscles of the pelvic floor. The active collaboration of these major muscle groups creates a solid cylinder around the central spine, helping to prevent “shearing” or eroding forces from being applied to the vertebrae, ligaments and discs that evolve as a result of repetitive trauma, habitual patterns of movement that are unconscious and unproductive for the body-mind.

My favorite Pilates exercises are those that I learned first as a young dancer and they are also the very exercises that I feature in my DVDs, both those for the exercising public, my New Body! Pilates Series and those geared more towards the teacher trainee, or professional-track Pilates student, as well as certified teachers, my Pilates Method Master Trainer Series, which coincidentally, was filmed at Jan Tirony Johnson’s studio in Petoskey … They are the exercises from the original, classical mat workout developed by Joseph Pilates, a series that focuses on the abdominal center, the muscles of the torso, as well as breathing patterns for each exercise, teaching you how to direct energy to those targeted areas while relaxing the rest of the body. In all of my DVDs, one learns and immediately experiences what Pilates called “economy of movement.” Because you do the fewest number of repetitions with the greatest precision and control, you get the most out of your efforts, and your focus and determination grow exponentially.

On a spiritual level, the workout is concerned with the process itself. You learn to focus on the present moment and the movement itself rather than the outcome. This is a workout, a regime similar to yoga that promotes consciousness and facilitates evolution and self-transformation.

The subtle magic of Pilates is that the work grows as you do. You rise to higher and higher levels as your self-awareness and experience deepen. As you gain insight and as your actual physical strength increases, the work refines and redefines itself. 

Pilates is a unique, refreshing approach that sees our physical activity as a way to restore total oneness with ourselves and create harmony with our body, mind and spirit; under this notion, exercise becomes the means to experiencing a personal potential greater than the physical skills themselves. Every movement emanates from the center, which is also our emotional core, and the exercises truly help to "center" you. When you learn the advantage of paying attention to the energy, flow and rhythms in your exercises and see how pushing or forcing is counterproductive, you begin to apply this notion to the rest of your life. When you center your attention in the moment and act in harmony with time, you experience inner peace and fulfillment. By staying in the present, you can do less, yet gain more; paradoxically, you create more personal power and energy enabling you to have a greater influence over the outcome both in your sessions and long after you leave the studio.
My love of Pilates began long before its era of popularity and has served as a pillar of strength for me in all aspects of my professional athletic and artistic life, enlivening my spirit, conditioning my body, reinforcing my self-esteem and overall feeling of peace and well-being. I continue to be amazed and delighted every time I teach a class, or I take one, just how simple, yet powerfully transformational “The Method” truly is, and how its effects grace the body mind and spirit with a gift you give yourself, and one that catalyzes profound changes in one’s being. How appropriate now, during this season of giving to consider such a wondrous thing, that the gift we give ourselves doesn’t stop with us, but goes well beyond us to touch the lives of each person we come in contact with ... 

Pilates and other mind-body-spirit modalities center and balance us, making us more aware of ourselves and what makes us feel good, so that we then have greater reserves to share those good feelings with others, reminding us of what is truly important in life, like seeing someone smile as a result of our single act of kindness that reflects right back into our hearts. Pilates, very simply, makes us into healthier, kinder, more generous, more connected, conscious people and makes the world a better place.

Jennifer Kries
Bio

Dancer, choreographer, yoga devotee, author, lifestyle expert and Pilates master teacher, Jennifer Kries is an unparalleled innovator in the realm of alternative health and fitness. First to bring Pilates to the masses, her award-winning videos and DVDs, The Method Series, Jennifer Kries’s Pilates Method and Fox/Fit TV’s, The Method Show, revolutionized the fitness community, paving the way for the current wave of enthusiasm for Pilates mind-body exercise. 

One of the country’s preeminent Pilates master teachers, she is responsible for launching many of today’s most respected professionals who teach either traditional Pilates or The Method, her trademark mind-body synthesis: Pilates, yoga, and dance. She is the founder of New York’s, Balance Pilates, Yoga, and Dance, Hot Body Cool Mind—The Studio in Philadelphia, Artistic Director and Founder of Contemporary Dance Theatre New York and most recently, creator and producer of yet two other ground-breaking DVD series, Jennifer Kries’ Pilates Method Master Trainer Series and Hot Body Cool Mind: The Life Force Power Workout!
Her approach to fitness and wellness is unsurpassed. Jennifer brings unmatched clarity and an extraordinary perspective to her teaching. She has inspired countless readers, practitioners, graduates of her programs, and viewers alike to embrace her all-encompassing philosophy of movement, art, health, life and energy. Through her inspiring work, she helps people transform far more than their bodies, enabling them to tap into a reserve of power never before experienced. Her attention to detail, superb teaching style, artistry, and knowledge of Eastern healing techniques, anatomy and energy dynamics makes her one of the most highly sought-after mind-body teachers in the world today.
For more information on Jennifer and her Pilates and other fitness DVDs, visit her website: www.jenniferkries.com

Friday, December 3, 2010

Road Trippin'


  


 I had 2 doctors visits in one week.  That is unusual for me lately.  Both were routine follow ups from oncology and radiation oncology.  I didn't have the usual scanxiety that I usually have.  I had a mammogram just a month before and everything was normal, so I naturally assumed that neither doc would find any problems.

I like to drive.  Everywhere.  I drive more than Doug.  When I lived in LA that was part of my job, driving to set, from editorial to one of the post houses, mix stages etc. Most people get totally stressed in rush hour on the 101, the Hollywood Freeway.  I find it relaxing.  Yeah your not moving, but you can clear your mind and focus.

I would always drive to my doctor appointments, chemo, radiation, I think I even drove to surgery.  Most of the time after chemo I wasn't in any shape to drive, the drugs would knock me out (and no I didn't drive after my lumpectomy surgery, but apparently I called several people to tell them I was ok while I was still heavily medicated.  Wonder if that audio is still around.)

Monday I drove to the oncologist.  Driving to the hospital for what I knew would be a routine follow up brought a flood of memories to me.  Why I don't know.  I thought about the routine I would have for the day.  I would get my blood drawn out of my port at about 9am.  Hated that goddamn port. Looked like a fucking bottlecap under my skin, and it would hurt sometimes when I moved a certain way.   Go to work and produce The Vic McCarty Show for 2 hours, drive home.  Put lidocaine on my port and cover it with plastic wrap so it wouldn't rub off.  Lidocaine numbs the area.  I would see the oncologist.  he would go over my blood counts to make sure I was strong enough to do the chemo, then it was a short walk to the infusion center.  There were a couple of times that I forgot to put Lidocaine on my port and when they jabbed the syringe in me for the chemo  it hurt like hell for the entire treatment, which lasted anywhere from 1-3 hours, depending upon the meds.

I thought about how much I had been through.  Sometimes I can't believe it.  Its only been 3 years but it also feels like a lifetime ago.  I thought about how much Doug has been there for me. Every chemo, every radiation.  During chemo I would fall asleep  because of the meds and he would go to the cafeteria to get something to eat for himself.  He would come back with Lays potato chips for me.  They made me feel better when I was done.  I would groggily walk to the exit of the cancer center and Doug would get the car and pull it up so I wouldn't have to walk too far. 

During the drive to the doctor I wondered why I wasn't nervous or scared.  Was it because I was just too busy with work and advocacy?  Maybe I have just gotten to a place where I know I am going to be ok, and as my friend Donald Wilhelm would say "It is what it is." 
No its neither one of those things.  I don't know why the appointments didn't bother me.  I still don't.  It makes no sense.


Cancer still affects me.  Well the side effects do anyway.  The neuropathy that went away now comes and goes.  Like I need a fucking reminder that I had cancer.  It frustrates me that I still have it.  That when sometimes when I am doing pilates I can't feel my toes or part of my foot.  Kind of hard to focus on the poses and breathing when you aren't even sure where your foot it.  I know its where it should be.  I just can't fucking feel it.  Frustrating when the instructor asks you to move a part of your foot and you have no clue if you are or not.

And the damn depression.

Of all the side effects I have had I wish I could trade that one for something else, like you used to to with marbles or baseball cards when you were a kid? 

Hey I'll trade you depression for insomnia or chemobrain.

Shit.  I have both of those too. 

Nevermind..

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com


Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes